My Failed College Dream!

When I was in high school, I couldn't wait for college.  I was tired of the hyped up high school drama and I couldn't wait to move on!  My idea was; I would leave high school and I could start completely all over.  I could "create" myself a new image.  No one in college would know that I was a nerd.  I could highlight all my cool accomplishments, and no one would know any of my faults.  Now that I think of it, my high school dream was exactly what facebook offers today; all the highlights and none of my faults. My goal was to create a great life and get that elusive girlfriend I had been longing for!

The dream was based on the idea; that I was in control of my image!  I was responsible of creating myself.  But, as I look back, I see how far I was from the truth.  I don't have the ability to create myself, nor did I create myself.  My identity, which seemed elusive, was found outside myself.  My identity, my image is found completely in the OTHER!

Looking at life, it is clear: our whole life is meant to be described in the other!  I became a brother because I had sisters.  I became a son because I had a mother and father.  I became a boyfriend because there was a girlfriend.  This is a profound reality of God.  TheTrinity of persons are found in relationship to the other (Father, Son, Holy Spirit).  And if we are truly made in the image and likeness of God, we too, will find our identity in the other!

But everything in this world, even relationships come and go: my girlfriend is long gone and so is my title as a boyfriend.  In a world of professions; a teacher is a teacher as long as there are students.  Likewise a doctor is only a doctor as long as they have patients (so what if they have a MD degree, but don't have any patients)!  When my grandparents passed away, am I still a grandson? If my parents were to pass, would I still be their son?  Well yes, but only because of my Christian understanding that they are still alive in heaven. Otherwise, I would lose that identity and part of who I was as well!

If we are to keep a sense of identity of who we are, we need to have a relationship with someone who is not temporary!  A relationship that never fades.  What is the Christian Gospel all about?  It's about bringing us in relationship with God the Father.  We are his children because of our particular relationship we have with Jesus Christ the Son.  When all relationships fail, and our identity seems completely lost, this will remain (if we acknowledge it or not).

We need to re-gain our identity and source.  The identity of being God's son's and daughters.  "See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are!" (1 Jn 3:1)

If we want to get back to being satisfied with who we are - we can't hide from the need to dive into that particular relationship with God.  No job, no exercise (Cross fit, lifting, or run - I speak to myself in this comment), no relationship on this earth will ever satisfy our longing in our hearts or reveal to us who we really are!  Only in a sense of confidence in our relationship with God can we face the crosses of this world, even death.

This is why taking time to pray EVERYDAY is so important! It grounds our identity, not in something that fades in time, but will remain for all eternity.  Don't try to live my college dream; the ability to create yourself! Realize that you find purpose and strength in the other.   Don't deny yourself the ability to stand in confidence and proclaim the prayer that Jesus taught us: "Our Father."

What I Learned From My Father's Garden

When I was in middle school my dad decided to allow his old farming days as a kid come out into our backyard.  The task to create a garden area was quite a feat, but what I discovered was the hardest part of having a garden was the daily care needed for it to prosper; from watering, pruning, and harvesting!

Jesus shares a similar gardening story in the Scriptures through the parable called the Sower and the seed (Matthew 13:1-9).  In the parable, Christ talks about a Sower (God) that sows seeds upon 4 different types of ground; the hard path, the rocks, the thorns, and the good soil.  Reading this passage, it was very easily to think that the Lord was talking about 4 different types of people.  But what I have come to discover in my own spiritual journey, is that the Lord is giving us the way to garden our own hearts, which like my dad's garden takes lots of work!

As I learned from my dad, to garden we first need to break up the hard and trampled ground.  In doing so, we discover rocks that need to be removed.  Once the rocks are removed, we can start removing the various types of weeds and thorns that would grow.  Eventually with the initial work complete, the soil would be ready for growing a fruitful garden. 

It is clear that my own spiritual journey didn't start with fruitful soil.  From high school to college I would say my heart was pretty hardened by any acceptance of the faith.  If you doubt me, you can talk to my cousin Jeanne!  It wasn't until college, that the Lord in a way pierced through the hard path.  But I soon discovered the rocks and weeds that would get in the way of the Lord.  15 years later, I can say the gardening of my heart has not been an easy task.  I continue to find old and new weeds sprouting and needing to be removed, rocks find their way into the garden, and the task just to bear simple fruit in my spiritual life is a task in itself.  It is clear the spiritual journey is a work in process!

Don't think my example is good enough?  I love reading the apostle's journey in the Scriptures!  The Lord spent three years with the apostles gardening their hearts.  Many times the Lord called them out saying that they were slow to hear and had little faith.  Think of how Peter did not want to hear about the Lord's upcoming suffering in Matthew 16, or how he denies Christ 3 times after telling Jesus he wouldn't!  But the most beautiful thing of the story was the Lord was patient with the Apostles, constantly forgave them, and worked tirelessly on their hearts so that on the day of Pentecost, the descent of the Holy Spirit, they would bear tremendous fruit for His Church.  And do you think even then their labors in the garden of their hearts were complete?  No!  Look at St. Paul as he talks about his weakness in 2 Corinthians 12!  

Not only is gardening something that takes continuous effort, it is clear that once you stop taking care of the garden; the weeds return, the rocks re-appear, and eventually the once luscious garden returns to being a hard path.  Let us during this great time of Lent continue to work with the master gardener in tilling our hearts; let us remove the rocks and weeds that prevent the Lord from bearing fruit in our lives.  If we can do that, I can guarantee that the Lord will continue to bear fruit a hundred fold in our lives!

Lent in the Context of Falling in Love

When I was growing up, I always took on Lent grudgingly. Lent was always the time to give up the things I liked; soda, chocolate, and candy. But as a kid, I never wanted to give up those things I enjoyed.  I always found Lent difficult and I never looked forward to the season of Lent!  Easter, however, that was a blast; chocolate, candy and soda galore. 

Everyone knows the number one question of a growing child; "but why?"  I asked the same question, "Why do I have to give something up for Lent?" The answer I received never satisfied me; “that’s just what we (Catholics) do.”  Nor did it ever change my perspective on Lent.  To me, Lent was something not enjoyable and something I had to grudge my way through. 

It wasn't until later that my world was turned upside down!  My perspective of Lent was not of pain and suffering, but on the context of LOVE!  Fr. Louis Evely wrote, "When one loves, one is (necessarily) led to fast - without even thinking of it.  But when one fasts in order to suffer...it is difficult to imagine that it leads us to love or be happy.  Any true love engenders sacrifice, but any sacrifice does not engender love.  God is not sacrifice.  God is LOVE and because he is LOVE, he has become sacrifice - a joyful sacrifice"

 

Mind blown!  If we start with sacrifice, it doesn't mean we will end with love.  But if we start with love, we will come to sacrifice.  This is clear from the times I fell in love, which has happened to me more then once.  When I was falling in love, it was easy for me to spend time and converse with the girl I loved.  I would actually look for more opportunities to talk. I can remember a few nights staying up and talking until the sun rose and at the same time desiring for the night not to end.  When I fell in love I remember how easy it was to make sacrifices.  I would give up many things without even a second thought.  I would easily skip a meal, skip a nap, give up hanging out with the guys, if that meant it would allow me to stay in the presence of the one I loved.  I also remember how easy it was to give gifts.  How I would see flowers and items to give as gifts.  I would make any excuse to give them too!

What does the Church ask of us this Lent-en season?  Prayer, fasting and alms giving.  What are these things if not conversing with the Lord, making sacrifices for the Lord, and giving gifts to the Lord? The Church is asking us to re-new our love for the Lord.  The Church is calling us to an opportunity of love! If we do that, then all the sacrifices, gifts, and conversations with God will make sense of the fasting, alms giving, and prayer the Church is encouraging us to do.  The Church is encouraging us to engage in Love! 

But we need to make sure we start with love!  If we try to do these things the other way around, as Fr. Evely pointed out in his quote, it's not guaranteed we will love!  Let us ask the Lord for the grace to be moved by love this Lent-en season, that the sacrifices we do choose are moved by love so that we can come to grow closer in love with the Lord!

A Scripture Meditation from the Gospel of Matthew 4:1-2 - for this upcoming Sunday Gospel!

"At that time Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert...He fasted for forty days and forty nights, and afterwards he was hungry."  

Jesus wasn't hungry during the forty days, but only AFTER!  Why?  Jesus drawn by the Holy Spirit conversed with his Heavenly Father for forty days.  Who of us wouldn't forsake a meal to continue a conversation with a person we love?  

The Beauty of Rejection, The Beauty of Love

We all have a natural desire to be known and loved!  So when we encounter rejection from those who seem to know and love us, we feel the rejection in a very powerful way.  As I interact with many in their faith, rejection is the greatest fear I encounter.

So it might surprise you when I say, that there is actually beauty in rejection.  That which is our greatest fear, can be the very instrument in which we come to the Lord.  It was actually through rejection that I came to know the Lord in a very intimate way. Rejection??? Why not start with encountering the Lord through His Love?  Yes, I have encountered a fraction of God's infinite Love.  But I was really opened to His love in the midst of my brokenness and rejection.  Through rejection by those close to me: from family, to friends, to my missionary work, and I would argue, even my body has rejected me through various illnesses.  It was in the rejection I was forced to ask the greatest question: "IS THE LORD ENOUGH?"

In the midst of rejection, can we completely rely on the Lord ALONE? The answer to this question is a necessity for everyone.  In the short time I've been in my parish internship, I've found so many hurting from rejection.  Through illnesses that have taken loved ones, to those who are struggling to find work, to those in the nursing home who have been ignored by so many.  It's in their pain, my heart aches, but also beauty is seen.  For they continue to hold onto the Lord in a very powerful way.  Their holiness is incomparable!

I'm reminded of the Story of St. Therese of Lisieux, patroness to my missionary work with FOCUS, but more importantly patroness to all missionaries in the Church.  St. Therese was a cloistered Carmelite dedicating her life at the age of 15 solely to prayer and rejecting what the world had to offer.  She died at a very young age of 24. On her death bed, she overheard her religious sisters asking the question, "I wonder what Mother superior will say about this one?" Because of her illness at a young age, her religious sisters didn't see any of her contributions to the community or the Church. They did not see what the Lord had done in her life. She was rejected and even forgotten by the religious community she dedicated her life too beginning at the age of 15! St. Therese of Lisieux rejoiced in overhearing the conversation. She rejoiced in the rejection, because she knew that even though her religious sisters from her community had forgotten her, the Lord was holding her more closely! It didn't take long after her death, that her memoir/autobiography became renown and eventually St. Therese of Lisieux was canonized in the Church and raised by JPII declaring her as a Doctor of the Church and patroness to missionaries.

So the next time you encounter rejection, in whatever form, remind yourself that The Lord is enough!  Throw yourselves into the arms of The Lord and  I guarantee you that the rejection will never be much sweeter, for in the cross of the rejection, you will have been brought closer to resurrected Lord!

Skateboarding Lesson; 41,000 Different Denominations; and the Unity of the Church!

When I was in 5th grade, I had the opportunity to come across my best friend's skate board.  The ability to skateboard was a foreign concept, but I was willing to give it a try. I specifically remember telling myself, "don't fall back and hit your head!"  I got on the board and when I gained speed I leaned back, the skateboard went forward, I went flying backwards and landed on my back nailing my head against the sidewalk.  Needless to say I learned a lesson: The goal of skate boarding is to stay connected to the board and don't lean back, but lean forward to go in the same direction of the board.  That and I should always wear a helmet!

Little did I know I would later come across this lesson again.   But this time it didn't involve a skateboard; it involved the unity of the Church!  

When I was in Boulder, Colorado as a FOCUS missionary I was blessed to take a graduate level course on the Theology of the Church at the Augustine Institute (a master's degree program).  I also had a tremendous blessing to lead several non-Catholics through a Catholic perspective of the Scriptures at the same time!  In talking with these students you could see that their hearts were hurting over the divisions found in Christianity: from Catholics, Lutherans, Anglicans, Methodists, Presbyterians, Baptists, and the catch all Non-Denominational churches.  Their experience matched a recent study out of Massachusetts in 2011 where they accounted for over 41,000 different Christian denominations! 41,000 different churches!!! The students had lived and saw this division.  They took their experience and looked to the Scriptures to help understand why this might happen.  But the Scripture points to a different reality:  Here are just a few passages of conflict! 

Matthew 12:26 - "Every kingdom divided against itself is laid waste, and no city or house divided against itself will stand"

John 17:12 - "Holy Father, Keep them in thy name, which thou hast given me, that they may be ONE, even as we are ONE"

Ephesians 4:4 - "There is ONE body and ONE Spirit... ONE Lord, ONE faith, ONE baptism, ONE God and Father of us all"

2 Timothy 4:3-4 - "For a time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own likings, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander into myths."  

It is clear in the Scriptures that God did not desire division, but unity!  If that is the case, then how do we account for division in Christianity? Let alone 41,000 divisions?  Clearly division seems to be the work of the devil, just like sin and death, and not from God.  

As I studied the Church I came back to the simple skateboard lesson I learned in 5th grade.  If I didn't want to fall off the skateboard, in other words stay in union with the board, I would have to do two things;  First, stay connected to the board and secondly, go in the same direction of the board.  The instant those two things didn't happen, I would be on my butt with a possible headache.   

Connection and direction are a necessity of unity.

Taking this physical truth, what can we learn about the division in the Church?  We need to take some time to learn more about Christian history.  Though there was various heresies (division) confronted by the early Church, it's seems clear that connection and direction were mostly effected by the Reformation with Calvin, Zwingli, and Luther.  There was a clear break from connection in the form of Sacraments!  Each reformer had different understandings of the Sacraments and removed Sacraments that the Church celebrated.  There was also a clear break from direction; the authority of the Church (corrupted as it may be).  Even though Luther, Zwingli, and Calvin wanted to create a united front against the authority of the Catholic Church, they couldn't agree in their theology, which led to more division.  

This may seem an over simplification of a major issue, and I don't want to down play the complexity of the issues faced during the Reformation (from the corruption of the Church, to politics, to economics), but the spiritual life is often taught through physical realities.  Hence, Christ taught spiritual lessons through physical stories called parables.  Physical realities of unity, like a skateboard, can point to great spiritual truths about unity. 

If our hearts are also torn by the 41,000 different denominations of the Christian faith and we truly desire to seek unity for the Christian faith, then we will have to turn to the connection and direction, which are found in the Sacraments and Authority of the Catholic Church.  

Though many people don't see this reality, this is the jewel and beauty of the Catholic Church.  Jesus Christ offers to the Apostles both His authority and Sacraments!  "He who hears you hears me, and he who rejects you rejects me, and he who rejects me rejects him who sent me." (Luke 10:16)  He offers the Church connection and direction.  He gives His authority to men and their successors, and He gives us His Spirit to guide us in all truths (cf. John 16:13).  

Let us once again with sincere and humble hearts find the beauty of the Catholic Church.  The beauty found in the Sacraments (connection - Baptism, Eucharist, Confirmation, Reconciliation, Anointing of the Sick, Holy Orders and Marriage) and the Authority found in the succession of the Apostles (the direction found in the Pope, Bishops, priests and deacons)!  It's only in this beauty will we be able to stop the on-going division of 41,000 different denominations. 

If we don't seek connection and direction, then we will constantly find ourselves on our butts! And if we reject the Sacraments and Authority of the Catholic Church, don't forget to wear your helmet!

TMNT PJs, Christmas, and the Absence of God

I remember growing up as a little kid getting ready for Christmas.  The long days of December as a kid was torture.  From being stuck in school and counting the days towards Christmas break.  To make the time go a bit sweeter my mom would buy chocolate candy filled calendars, so I could at least get a piece of chocolate each day I survived leading to Christmas.  The anticipation for all the gifts I was going to receive was at an all time high.

As a family tradition, my Christmas's were spent at my great aunt's house. We would arrive on the 23/24th of December.  I would hardly say hello to my family before I would run to the tree and count my gifts.  How many envelopes in the tree had my name on them?  How many big Christmas presents were under the tree? Did Santa come yet with my gift?

We would then head off St. Peter's Catholic Church for Christmas Eve Mass and when we returned I got into my Christmas pj's, usually the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' kind, and beg the parents to open at least one gift.

As you can see, even at the age of 33 very little has changed!

(Pictured: My nephew, Liam and I showing off our new TMNT pj's.  Beware of mean green fighting machines!)

And then it happened!  Christmas day would come.  It was the one day of the year that I would get up before my dad excited to start the day!  Why?  Because I would get gifts!!! What a great way to start any day!  I would wake up my sisters and parents, aunt's and uncles, grandparents, and cousins.  Today was the highly anticipated day.  And being the baby of the family you can understand how the day somehow revolved around me! :)

I would plow through my gifts one at a time!  But my folks ingrained in me a very important lesson that I constantly have to remind myself of to this day.

When I would anxiously tear through the wrapping paper, I would ignore the Christmas tag that mentioned who the gift was from.  My parents, gently would stop me and say, "Now Michael, who is that gift from?".  I would then rustle and scavenge through the torn paper to find out who it was from.  I then proceeded to leave the gift behind, run to the person who gave me the gift, and say, "thank you, thank you, thank you!"

My parents taught me that the gift is not as important as the Giver of the gift!  And sometimes I have to remind myself, like Christmas day as a kid, I get more attached to the gift then the giver of the gift.

As I continue to try to grow in my faith I have come to notice times in my prayer life where I can feel the Lord's presence and many times when I don't feel His presence at all!  It actually confuses many college students, who have a great experience on a retreat only later to discover that the so called "retreat high" slowly fades away.  What accounts for these changes of feelings and experiences?

Well, we have to understand, even the feeling of God's presence is a gift.  The presence of God is not God, Himself.  We see this in the Scriptures, Christ proclaims Psalm 22 on the cross, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me."  Did God the Father, abandon Christ on the cross?  The answer of course is No! But did Christ feel the absence of God the Father on the Cross?  The answer is yes!

When the gift is removed, we have the opportunity to still choose the Giver of the gift!  For who wants a friendship to be based solely on the basis of what gifts one can receive?  Seems kind of selfish and childish, like when I was a kid on Christmas day; where I was solely focused on the gifts I was to receive, not the the family that surrounded me on Christmas day!

The Lord gives us many gifts: from talents, skills, to friends and family, to even the feeling of His presence in our lives, but just like any gift, the Lord will take these gifts away, either rapidly like a torn band-aid, or slowly as with age.  The Lord wants to know: Do you love me? Or do you choose me only because of the gifts I give you? God wants to know if we would solely choose Him for who He is!  

Let us choose the Lord even in the absence of the gifts.  Let us be more grateful for the gifts we have received; such as family and friends, because in the end as the Scriptures point out in story of Job, the Lord gives and the Lord takes away (Job 1:21).  Let us focus on the Giver of all gifts. 

Chocolate Milk and the Holy Spirit

Growing up as a kid I can remember the many joys of going into the fridge grabbing our 2% milk, Hershey syrup along with a glass and spoon.  It didn't take a scientist or theologian to know what was going to happen next.  But I thought I would provide a visual!

Chocolate milk!!!  

Needless to say, as long as there was Hershey syrup in the fridge, milk was always going to be in high demand!  Little did I know my favorite drink when I was little (lets be honest, even now!) would be a great theological lesson on the presence of Holy Spirit/God in my life!

Our lives are like the milk!  And the chocolate syrup represents the Holy Spirit that The Lord pours into our lives!!!  What happens when we enter into relationship with God and the Church through Baptism, Eucharist, and Confirmation?  We are infused with the Holy Spirit!  We actually become temples of the Holy Spirit! But many people wonder why they don't see the effects or the change in receiving the Sacraments.  And many people point to the hypocrisy of many Christian's out there.  It's not that God isn't there.  Believe me He is there.  We just need the spiritual spoon to bring it into our lives!  

Think about this, when I was a kid and I poured the chocolate syrup into my glass of milk, I didn't just let the syrup sit on the bottom of the glass.  If I did that, very little of the chocolate would make it into the milk.  And if I were to drink the glass of milk, the chocolate syrup would have been wasted.

Think of this, Christ came and proclaimed that he came to give us life, life to the full (abundance).  What The Lord is actually saying in translation - I have come to give you not a life of regular milk, but something that is sweet and awesome.  I've come to make chocolate milk!  How sweet is that!  But it can't just be a passive effort in just receiving Baptism, Eucharist, or Confirmation.  Just receiving these Sacraments without stirring is a waste of the gift The Lord wants to give you. 

The Lord will ask for us to account of the gift He gave us!  He will ask us if we took the time to stir up the Holy Spirit.  We will be asked to account for the chocolate syrup in our milky lives.  Was our lives transformed?  Did we keep the glass stirred?

The interesting thing about the chocolate syrup and milk analogy is that I had to keep the spoon in the glass.  After every sip, I would continue to stir the glass!  Why?  So that I would enjoy every last drop of chocolate milk, otherwise the syrup would eventually make its way to the bottom of the glass only to be wasted and washed down the sink.  We have to keep stirring our hearts for the gifts of the Holy Spirit.  We can't remain passive in our faith.  Otherwise the Holy Spirit, like the syrup will be wasted.  How do we stir up the Holy Spirit in our lives?  Take time for prayer; be open for the movements of The Lord in our lives.  Go to Confession!  Seek constantly the grace of forgiveness and mercy that The Lord wants to give you.  Go to Mass, receive The Lord in the Scriptures and in the Liturgy of the Eucharist!  Allow The Lord to work presently in your life, start offering yourself up to The Lord!  

I guarantee if you do that, your life will be transformed and a whole lot sweeter!