"Why Are you Terrified?" A Tornado Story

This past Sunday, on June 21st, the Gospel came from Mark chapter 4.  Jesus was asleep on the boat when a storm struck.  The disciples wake Jesus up and asked him if he cared that they were perishing.  Jesus in response rebukes the wind and at once the sea becomes calm.  Jesus then turned to his disciples, "Why are you terrified?" (Mk 4:40)

I could only think of my own story of a storm I encountered with a dear friend Sarah Pica, now Sister Marie Benedicta of the Cross.  The story came to mind for multiple reasons.  First the Gospel reading, second the Midwest has been recently hammered with storms, and finally tomorrow is Sister Marie Benedicta of the Cross's Birthday.

It was June 5th, 2010.  Sarah Pica had made the decision that she was to enter the Cloister Carmelite order in Des Plaines on July 16th of that year.  In our previous conversations she expressed her desire to go to a Priest's Ordination and First Mass because she had never been to an ordination and this was going to be her last chance to ever experience one.  I was blessed to pick her up from central Illinois for this road trip and went to the ordination of 4 men for the Diocese of Joliet.  Afterwards, we made our was to Fr. John Lindsey's first Mass.  While at Mass, the weather turned to a down pour.  Afterwards, Sarah and I grabbed dinner and continued on to the University of Illinois where we planned to catch up with FOCUS missionaries and friends.   

However, the further we went the south, the greater was the intensity of lightening, wind, and rain.  I was getting low on gas, almost running on fumes.  So I planned to fill up at our next turn off to U of I from the interstate.  As we pulled into the gas station the tornado sirens went off.  I told Sarah to head in, while I filled the tank up, which would become providential for the power was about to go out.  I made my way into building finding everyone in the bathroom doorways away from the windows.  Commotion soon struck, over the emergency radio the announcement was made that a tornado had landed no more then 5 miles in the next town and was heading our direction.  All of a sudden the power went out.  The wind continued to blow hard has trash cans banged against the windows.  As fear was seen on people's faces and heard in their voices, there was a little girl crying as we huddled in the bathroom door way.  And there was Sarah Pica, completely calm, down on her knees talking to the little girl to help her through the terrifying storm.

At that moment, it was clear.  If the tornado were to come and hit us, I was in a presence of a saint, in the presence of person radiating Christ and living a life for Christ!  And if I were to go that day, what great company I was with! The tornado eventually missed us by a mile, and if we had not stopped to fill up for gas, we would have been in the direct line of the tornado! (coincidence, I think not).

That moment of clarity in the gas station was similar to what the Lord was asking of his disciples in the terrifying storm.  Did the disciples not know who they were with?  Yes, the squall they experienced was terrifying, but they were with the Lord!  What great company to be with!  Jesus questioned their faith - and was asking his disciples to trust in him.  Though the disciples failed in trusting in the Lord during that storm, they would eventually have faith to face a different kind of storm that would take their lives!

Storms will always come!  The question is, will we be with the Lord when they do?  Because if we are there is nothing to be terrified about!

Gifts Taken Away by God

This past April my friend Sister Marie Benedicta of the Cross took her final vows in a cloister Carmelite community in Des Plaines.  This vow she took said that she would be part of this enclosed (cloister) community for the rest of her life praying for the world and priests!  It was beautiful ceremony and day, but it was also a sad day for me as well.

It was joyous to see someone surrender with great joy to their calling.  It was sad because in a way my friendship with sister Marie Benedicta of the Cross was given up to the Lord.  Sarah Pica, her name before she entered the Carmelites, had become a dear friend of mine and the Lord gave me a tremendous friend.  When she entered the Caramelite community on July 16th, 2009, I was also vested with the Carmelite scapular.  In a sense Sister Marie Benedicta of the Cross has been with me through out my vocation praying for me! But because of her final vows, our friendship can no longer be the same.  No longer can we just hang out and talk, if I do see her, I can only see her through a grate under permission of her Mother Superior.  I can only reminisce of preparing to work with kids through a program of Totus Tuus and a road trip to a Priestly ordination ending up with tornadoes landing within a miles of us!

Our friendship was a great gift from the Lord, which He had given to me in a crucial part of my life.  But He also took her away from me! I couldn't help but have tears of  joy and sadness on her special day in which she gave her life to her cloister community!

(A picture with Sarah Pica before she entered the cloister.)

It became clearer to me that day that the Lord gives and the Lord takes away. The purpose of any gift is to draw us closer to Him.  And the purpose is the same when he takes away those gifts.  All life is a gift and it is a continued to lesson to see all those things in my life given and taken away through time. 

When Sister entered her order, I knew it would mean surrendering the friendship I was so greatly blessed with.  In a sense the sorrow was because I was mourning a loss of a friendship that I blessed to have, even if it was for only a couple of years. 

Fulton Sheen gives us beautiful insight of why the Lord takes away those whom we love: "When God takes someone from us, it is always for a good reason.  When the sheep have grazed and thinned the grass in the lower regions, the shepherd will take a little lamb in his arms, carry it up the mountain where the grass is green, lay it down, and soon the other sheep will follow.  Every now and then Our Lord takes a lamb from the parched field of a family up to those heavenly green pastures so that the rest of the family may keep their eyes on their true home and follow through." All gifts should lead us back to Him!!! Let us give thanks to all the beautiful gifts he has given to us and those gifts he has taken away from us so that we may trust Him all the more!!!

How FOCUS ruined my life! The Great Commission!

It's been quite a whirl wind since my Diaconate Ordination.  I have just recently settled into my summer assignment for this upcoming year at Notre Dame Parish in Clarendon Hills.  As an introduction to the parish, I was blessed to preach on the Solemnity of the Most Holy Trinity at all the Masses.  The Gospel reading was the Great Commission that finishes the Gospel of Matthew!  "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you; and behold, I am with you always, to the close of the age." (Mt 28:19-20)

Of course, after being a missionary for 6 years with FOCUS (Fellowship of Catholic University Students) I would say I'm quite familiar with the Great Commission, or at least I thought!  It wasn't until recently I had the opportunity to reflect on the verses prior to the Great Commission.  My reflection brought me new insight on how the Lord changed my life through FOCUS!  

"Now the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had ordered them.  And when they all saw him, they worshiped him; but they DOUBTED!" (Mt 28:16-17 NAB translation)

Wait what?  They DOUBTED!!!  These are the same Apostles who saw all the miracles of the Lord in his public ministry, right?  Didn't they see the multiplication of the loaves, the healing of the sick?  What about the rebuking of demons and freeing people from demonic possessions?  Didn't they see Jesus walk on water and calm the waters amidst the storm?  Peter, James and John saw the transfiguration and now all the Apostles have seen Christ Resurrected and they still doubted?!?  

I soon saw connection! The Lord's answer to the Apostles doubt was the Great Commission! This is because our faith is a spiritual good.  Unlike a material good which is lost when given away, spiritual goods, like love and faith, our multiplied when they are given away!  These same Apostles who doubted, who when on mission with the Holy Spirit found their faith strengthened and these same Apostles would face persecution and eventually death. 

I've seen this in my own life through my mission work with FOCUS.  As I went out in mission the more my faith was strengthened and my doubts went away.  In my second year as a missionary I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  By God's grace, I had very little doubts in my diangosis because I knew I was where I was suppose to be. If the chemo was to work or not, it didn't matter because the Lord was with me.  I discovered however, this works the other way as well.  When I was not living a missionary life and stuck in my intellectual studies, my doubts and struggles returned.  And when I returned to mission involving discipleship, and evangelization my faith continued to bring forth great joy as my doubts were being wiped away.  It brings greater insight to St. Paul's statement in his letter to the Corinthians: "Woe to me if I do not preach."  It wasn't for the sake of others, which many benefitted from his preaching, but it was for his own sake!

It seems FOCUS has ruined my life, because it was in FOCUS that the organization gave me a "Vision for Life" (or at least some very old FOCUS missionaries might say).  It was in FOCUS that I discovered the Lord's Great Commission. It was in mission that I discovered my vocation and my Catholic faith!  If you find yourself struggling in your faith, don't only learn more about Christ, but share it with others!

Below are just few pictures of some of the men I have invested in over the years!  (From my time at the Air Force Academy, UMKC, UST, and a couple from CU)  It's quite a blessing to see how the Lord continues to move in the lives of these men! 

  

Chemo, Ordination, and St. Patrick's Day!

Another March 17th has rolled around and I almost went throughout my entire day in Jerusalem wearing my green flannel shirt visiting the various churches on the Mount of Olives (Church of All Nations, Dominus Flevit, Pater Noster) before I remembered that 9 years ago I began my first of 12 chemo sessions to battle against Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  It's amazing how fast 9 years can go by!  And yet I reflect on those 9 years to see the Lord's hand drawing me to priesthood.  

I can be pretty stubborn (don't believe me ask my family), and no matter how many people told me that I would be a great priest, I was not going to have any of it!  It wasn't until I was diagnosed with cancer that I was willing to give the Lord a chance to work on my heart toward the priesthood by entering the seminary!  Even in the seminary, however, the decision was still in my court and anytime people asked me about my future ordination I would say, "God willing." Knowing that "God Willing" meant that God had to do something really, really big; he had to change my will!

And yet the Lord is patient.  Over the 9 years the Lord has moved my heart and will in ways that I can only grasp as miracles to myself!  In small surrenders in ministry and mission work, to now a surrender that is onlay 10 days away: my Diaconate Ordination!  

Please continue to pray for me as we finish our trip in Jerusalem and make our way back to the states!

Joliet Seminarians to be Ordained on March 27th to the Diaconate at the Sanctuary of Palms Church in Bethphage (the place where Christ sat on a colt to ride into Jerusalem)

My Favorite Spot in the Holy Land???

I was just recently asked, "So what has been your favorite place to visit so far?"  I sat there lost for words!  I've had so many special graces throughout our pilgrimage.  Each grace was given through an encounter with the Lord in prayer, how could I describe the intimacy?  I then came across the following in my spiritual reading: 

 

"The events of the worldly life of Jesus are not only holy in themselves, they are sanctifying. On the souls who meditate on them and wish to be associated with them they confer graces, which increase their union with the life of the Saviour... Bethlehem, Nazareth, Golgotha, the Resurrection, the Ascension, the sending of the Holy Spirit, constitute the principal phases in the drama of our redemption and of our supernatural adoption" ~ Bl. Columba Marmion.

 

Bl. Columba Marmion reveals the difficulty to the question I was asked!  How does one explain the mystery of God's love in our own redemption and adoption!  How can I describe how this trip has brought a great encounter with the Lord and his love for me! In the experiences itself, it is a mystery even to myself.  It's no wonder I was left struggling to list all the places we have visited from the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem, to the Church of the Annunciation in Nazareth, to the Church of the Transfiguration at Mount Tabor, the Church of Mount of Olives in Jerusalem, and to the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem; the list goes on and on. Each of these places has a unique place in my heart in which the Lord has revealed his love to me!  As our pilgrimage starts to come to a close, I coming to realize that it will take my entire life (and priestly vocation) to explain the beauty and impact this pilgrimage has had on my life!

Resting in the Empty Tomb - Responding to our Pain and Struggles

This morning, I along with 15 other seminarians, had Mass in the empty tomb of Christ at the Holy Sepulcher.  It was here that Christ was taken off the cross and laid.  It was here that He was raised from the dead. The tomb itself is just big enough to fit 3-4 people in it.  The tomb itself is surrounded by a small entrance room and doors.  The altar for Mass is placed right above the slab where Christ was laid.   As we followed the priest into the entrance room and tomb; the doors were shut behind us. It was just the seminarians, the priests, and the Lord (while various tour groups were walking, talking and praying outside the tomb!  What an intimate setting to find myself this morning.

It was during Mass that I reflected on Holy Saturday!  It was that agonizing day of waiting through pain and loss before the Resurrection.  Outside of the actual pain experienced on Good Friday and the Crucifixion by our Lord, Holy Saturday is a pain felt strongly by Christ's loved ones!  Remember Christ died on the cross and the knowledge of his coming Resurrection was not clear!  There was a great pain of sadness and unknown among the disciples of Christ.  The anguish in their heart remained, all the hope they had in the coming Messiah had vanished.  Everything was completely gone!  

And that's where my heart went to this morning. I have many friends who are struggling in life; those who have lost loved ones to murder and injustice, those who have lost loved ones suddenly to health complications, those battling cancer and other health diseases like ALS. That's not to mention those facing non-life threatening diseases, but encountering great angst about their future.  Each and everyone of these encounters are people struggling with what the Apostles struggled on Holy Saturday!  Hope has seemed to vanish.  The questions about why and what now begin.  What happened to all that the Lord had promised us?  

These questions are unavoidable, and yet these questions once again allow us to reaffirm our faith.  Unlike the Apostles who actually experienced the actual Holy Saturday without the Resurrection Sunday, we know and have celebrated Easter Sundays since that great moment!  We once again, even in our sadness and struggles, can say Christ is Risen!  

As I sat in the empty tomb and was able to kiss the slab where Christ had laid, I was once again reminded of the Angels proclamation, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified.  He is not here, for he has risen," as he said," Come, see the place where he lay." (MT 28:5-6) Lent is a time of preparation to receive the great news once again! It is time to sit in our struggles and once again proclaim the Resurrection of the Lord!

The Good Thief: Remembering the Need for God's Mercy

Shortly after arriving into Jerusalem, our class was able to celebrate Mass at the foot of Calvary in the Holy Sepluchre.  It's is a surreal experience to be able to go to the spot, where Christ was crucified marked by three distinct holes in the rock where the crosses were locked into place.  Just to the right of the spot, there was the altar in which we celebrated Mass.  

I couldn't help to be drawn of the good thief on the cross found in the Gospel of Luke: 

[Rebuking the other criminal on the other side of Christ] "We indeed justly; for we are receiving the due reward of our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong.  Jesus remember me when you come in your kingly power.  And Jesus said to him, "Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise." (Luke 23: 41-43)

It was there that the thief admitted his guilt and asked the Lord for mercy.  Today, there were 33 seminarians, priests and faculty at the foot of the cross asking for the same thing at Mass; "remember me Lord!"

It was told to me (and as I get older I completely agree) when you were young you seek justice; but when you are older, you seek mercy.  It's no coincidence that kids have an uncanny ability to tell the adults what is fair and unfair.  They are quick to point the many injustices like Suzy having more ice cream than me, which is clearly not just. Or Johnny's parents allow him to stay up later.  Sometimes in our foolishness we seek justice as adults, many times it looks silly.  As we progress in age, and in my case less hair on my head, we are consistantly humbled by our failures usually followed by empty resolutions. It is clear, the false idea of being invincible and able to do anything in our youth, comes to a hault when we realize we are mortal and filled with weaknesses.  The need for God's mercy pervades our bones.  And I once again am brought to the Mass at the foot of Calvary.  I find myself like the thief, recalling my need for His constant mercy.  

Lord remember me when you come into your Kingdom!

St. Dismiss, the criminal who stole heaven, Pray for us!