Calculus and Faith!

When I was young, math always came easy to me.  It started with Mrs. Todd teaching me the multiplication table in 2nd grade, and continued into Mrs. Lehman's 3rd grade bi-weekly quizzes that I would always ace!  This continued through honor's math through middle school.  But there did come a time when math became difficult and I didn't actually understand the material.  It was in Calculus when numbers were traded in with letters and from the graphs and equations we had to derive or integrate!  I recall a clear moment leading up to my first calculus exam where nothing made sense.  I spent hours with my classmates studying and preparing for the exam.  Maybe it was the Lord's prayers and a divine Grace, but the night before the exam, I can actually recall the place and moment, something happened.  Everything seemed to click!  I understood Calculus!!! (or at least the material for the first exam, there were many more hours of studying to come).





(Mr. Braun's Calc BC Class! I'm in the front with the vest - just look at that hair :)

It was clear in calculus as it is in my faith, some times we don't always understand things right away.  And sometimes we need to put ourselves into a position to understanding through work!

My oldest sister, Suzie, understands this!  Even though my nephew is enjoying his summer vacation, he still is required by his mom, my sister, to read 20 minutes a day and do daily math problems!  Why?  My sister understands that Liam, through reading and doing math problems, will grow in comprehension and problem solving!  What if Liam, my nephew, were to come up to his mom and say, "Mom, I'm just not getting anything out of reading and doing math problems, and I'd rather play video games?"  You can only imagine his mother's response, "Tough!" My sister knows, that even if Liam can't see his progress and growth in his comprehension and problem solving, he is improving and putting himself into a position to succeed in school!

These stories came to mind as I read the Gospel for this past weekend (John 6:41-51).  The Jews began to murmur against Jesus!  These were the same people who followed Jesus, saw his miracles, and had their fill with the multiplication of the loaves.  In the next couple of Sunday readings of the Gospel, we will see those same Jews leave Jesus because they don't understand him!  But guess what?  The Apostles, those who stick with Jesus, didn't understand him either!  Jesus asks them at the end of chapter 6, if they too will leave (Jn 6:67).  It is clear that the Apostles throughout the Gospels didn't understand the Lord, yet they remained with him. Maybe they knew, like my studying for my calculus exam, that they would eventually understand.  Or maybe they knew, like my sister with her son, that they might not see their growth, but are actually growing closer to God!  Either case it involved the Apostles staying with the Lord!

I have encountered many fallen away Catholics.  Many say, "I just don't get anything out of Mass; from the music, to the homilies (not mine of course), to the Eucharist."  What is my response?  It's similar to my sister's response, but maybe with a little more charity; "Tough!"  Just because you don't feel like your getting anything out of Mass doesn't mean you should stop going!  You should work all the more to try to understand what is going on, through personal study or preparation for the Mass.  And you need to trust that the Lord is working even when you don't see it!  Don't be like those who left the Lord because they didn't understand!


So don't be discouraged if you go to Mass and feel like your getting nothing out of it!  Continue to trust that the Lord is working on your heart even when you don't see it, and that He will reveal Himself to us in the Breaking of the Bread! (cf. Luke 24:35)

God Reveals Himself In Our Own Brokenness and Suffering!

As I look back on my life, I can events that occurred in my life of brokenness and sufferings: from heart aches to heart breaks, from physical illness to spiritual illnesses, to experience tremendous loss.  My responses to God was all to similar, it was a simple question, "Why God?"  These words would escape from my heart through a sigh.

The past couple of days for daily Mass we have been reading about the life of Joseph in the Old Testament.  Joseph's story in Genesis begins at the age of 17, his brothers desire his death, but instead of killing him they decide to at least benefit from his life and sell Joseph into slavery (Gen 37).  Joseph ends up in Egypt to be falsely accused of adultery and ends up in an Egyptian prison.  While in prison he interprets a butler's dream and gives a good interpretation, afterwards he tells the butler to not to forget him. The butler was released from prison and what happens? The butler forgets Joseph for 2 years!  You can only imagine the same words coming across Joseph's mouth, "Why God?"

When Joseph turns 30, Joseph is raised up out of prison and placed at Pharaoh's right hand.  Joseph was placed in charge with the Egyptian's food supply for the next 14 years. During that time Egypt had 7 years of plenty, followed by 7 years of famine.   Joseph stored up grain during the years of plenty and when the 7 years of famine hit the world, the world turned to Egypt for food.  During that time his own brothers, who sold him into slavery, came to Egypt to receive food.  Joseph in the end reveals himself to his brother, but not in a way that I would have expected:

“I am your brother Joseph, whom you once sold into Egypt. But now do not be distressed, and do not reproach yourselves for having sold me here. It was really for the sake of saving lives that God sent me here ahead of you.”


(Picture of Joseph revealing himself to his brothers)

In all that Joseph experienced, he still saw the Lord's hand in it.  From the evil of his brothers, to the loss of his freedom, to being falsely accused of a crime and forgotten in prison, Joseph remains faithful and trusts in the Lord's plan.  And yet, there is something even deeper being reveals in Joseph's story.  Joseph suffers tremendously, in a sense has his own passion, only to be raised to the right hand of Pharaoh, which the Egyptians believed to be a god.  It was there Joseph was called to save the world by feeding them grains.  This story of Joseph is preparing us to be able to receive the story of Christ.  Jesus, the true son of God, who in his own passion and death is raised to the right hand of God the Father, only to feed us with through grain of His own Body (and Blood)!

What does mean for us?  One to trust in God even through the most difficult and trying times, but secondly, if we look close enough in our own sufferings and brokenness, we will see the Lord revealing Himself to us in his own Passion, Death, and Resurrection.  Amen!

The Lord Working in the Ordinary

"If it were a prerogative of love for it to love the extraordinary, then God would, so to speak, be in a tight spot, since for him there is nothing extraordinary." ~ Kierkegaard

Last summer I had the opportunity to serve as a hospital chaplain.  I would receive a list of the patients on a particular floor, I would begin by first getting my paper work all lined up, and I would systematically go from room to room.  Nothing was extraordinary about the process, I streamlined my paperwork and my visits.  One day, as I was going through my list, I knocked on a patient door.  My introduction was similar and ordinary to all my other visits.  "Hello, my name is Michael and I am a chaplain here at the hospital would you like me to come in."  Many times before the patient would deny the visit request or others would welcome me in for a short visit; but this visit was different! The patient welcomed me with tears and was very nervous.  She recently visited her family practice doctor who had her directly admitted to the hospital.  An immediate surgery was requried and her anxiety and fear was coming to light.  She had prayed to God to send her someone and I walked in the door!  After a thirty minute conversation, we finished with prayer, and she said, "thank you for being an answer to my prayers!"

It was then, my modern skepticism kicked in.  I doubted her statement.  I counted that patient as part of my daily rounds and I wanted to dismiss the supernatural from this natural coincidence.  It wasn't until my own supervisor challenged me and asked me why I couldn't see God working in each one of my visits, including this last visit! 

This past Sunday, the Gospel was about Jesus entering his home town.  It was there Jesus was not accepted.  "A prophet is not without honor except in his native place" (Mk 6:4).  The people were quick to dismiss the supernatural just for the natural.  He leaves in the Gospel pointing to their lack of faith. 

In the Gospel story, I was the person with little faith in that hospital story.  I didn't see how God could work in the natural and ordinary!  In my own ordinary schedule, my own ordinary work, and in my own ordinary life with all its brokenness and weaknesses!  

It is in this context that the second reading from the Mass from St. Paul's became all the clearer, "I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me."

The Lord's work doesn't work in the extraordinary, but finds itself in the ordinary (see above Kierkegaard quote).  Jesus was born in a small town of Bethlehem, lived in a smaller town of Nazereth, and was raised as a Carpenter's son.  There is nothing extraordinary about that. Even more so, there is nothing extraordinary about the 12 disciples he chose as Apostles either: from fishermen to tax collectors.  What makes the story so extraordinary and supernatural is how the Lord loved us in the in the ordinary!

And it is that what I took away from the Gospel this past Sunday:  It is because of the Lord's love us in the ordinary that we become extraordinary!  Let us allow the Lord in to our schedule, work, and lives and see the extrodinary things that will come from His Love.

A picture from my Diaconate Ordination - 4 ordinary men preparing to receive the extraordinary love of God!