My Love for m&ms: A Need for Christ!

If you ask my sister Tina, I have one severe weakness: m&ms (she will also include semi-sweet chocolate chips)!  I can't stop eating them.  If there is recent purchase from Cost Co of a 1 lb. of m&m's, I can't guarantee that there will be any left the next day.  The trend goes as following: First I open the bag, pull a small  bowl out, fill the bowl and start watching a movie.  The bowl filled with heavenly goodness quickly vanishes and it's not even pass the opening scene!  So of course, another bowl of goodness is in order.  Self-justification comes in: I've ran 4 marathons - I'm still burning off those calories right???  (my weight and belly tells another story!)  Needless to say, you can figure the rest of the story.  The 1 lb. bag is finished much much too soon!  It's usually followed with a stomach ache and sugar crash. 

What does this story reveal?  Well, it reveals I have no self-control when it comes to m&ms, but it reveals something much deeper: it reveals that I'm broken!  I would argue it points to my need for a Savior and not just some anti-acids!  My disordered passion for m&ms is just one of many of my disordered passions.  St. Paul speaks about this disorder in his letter to the Romans: "but I am carnal, sold under sin. I do not understand my own actions.  For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate... I can will what is right but I cannot do it.  For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do." (Romans 7:14 ff).  My goal when I first opened the bag of m&m was not to finish the full 1 pound bag of m&m's, but in a certain sense, I do the very thing I hate!  The very thing that is bad for my body!

My disorder passion for m&m is just one simple story of my many disordered and bad addictions.  I'm enjoying another disordered passion; I'm feeding my coffee addiction as I type this blog.  Before I get to my main point, I have to state the following: We all know m&ms in themselves are not bad, neither is the coffee I drink.  But with lack of self control seen in the story I just shared, we can see how something that is a good can become something bad!

This disorder speaks into the Anthropology of man!  The Church fathers would write about the 4 faculties of man in the following order:

1. Intellect

2. Will

3. Emotions

4. Passions

Before the broken relationship between God and Man, man kept his 4 faculties in the correct order.  The intellect would direct the will, and the will would control the emotions and passions.  But because the fall, what happened?  Well after being on 8 different University campuses over the last 14 years.  I can tell you the order goes as following:

1. Passions

2. Emotions

3. Will

4. Intellect (which is ironic because the university is supposed to be directed in forming the intellect)

Clearly, most college students are dictated by their own passions and emotions.   And it is to the detriment of the student, the University encourages the students to experiment with their sexuality (passions) and to have fun!  However, they don't mention the bad consequences of playing with their passions.  My friend just told me of story of guy bragging about how he had slept with over 60 women.  What a lie that has been fed to those pursuing higher education (the intellect).  Living a disordered life does not lead to a life of freedom and happiness, but one of slavery and bad consequences.  As Frank Sheed in Theology and Sanity commented: we are truly free to do what ever we want, however, because we live in an ordered world, we are truly not free from the consequences of our actions.   Like my story above.  I am truly free to eat the 1 lb. m&m bag, I'm, however, not free from the effects of eating a full pound of m&ms.  Or in the case of the guy who slept with over 60 woman, he is free to do that, but not free from the STDs or psychological disorders that may come from living such a life style.  

So it is clear: we have many disordered passions!  Why does God allow us to live in a life of disorder?  Why do we have to constantly struggle against our own passions and emotions?  Why do we do what we don't want to do?  St. Paul gives us insight to this as well!!!

St. Paul writes in his 2nd letter to the Corinthians: "a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to harass me, to keep me from being to elated.  Three times I besought The Lord about this, that it should leave me; but he said to me 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Cor 12 7:10)

It is in Christ we can correct this disorder.  It is in receiving the Sacraments, that we can receive the grace to live ordered.  But this desire to re-align our faculties can first begin by acknowledging our false passions.  It's in my false passions that I realize my own brokenness and that I personally can't realign them, but it solely in Christ that this can be done.  Sin has the ability to make us aware of our brokenness and a need for a savior.  For example; one needs to be aware of their illness before they can seek healing from a physician.  If I don't know I'm sick, I can't receive the necessary help.   Let us acknowledge our brokenness, turn to the Lord for healing and love, and realign our faculties!!!   

Riding a Bike: A lesson of Faith and Hope in the Resurrection!

I remember and with great excitement when I told my dad that I was ready to shed off the tyranny of my training wheels and ride a big boy bike!  But even with the excitement, I faced some fears.  The bike from which I was going to learn from was too big for me.   My sisters had previously been the riders of the bike.  If I were to move on from the classic big wheel or bike with training wheels, I would have to learn how to start the bike by standing on its side, and I would also have to learn how to jump off while it was still in motion otherwise the bike would fall because my feet could not reach the ground from the seat.

We lived in a condominium complex and our family unit was on the beginning of a cul de sac; with the street ending with a loop.  My dad sat me on the bike seat and told me to start pedaling.  Before I knew it I was pedaling fast and my dad was no longer behind me.  In anxiety of coming to a stop and having the bike fall on me, the only logical thought that came to mind was to pedal harder and faster.  I eventually fell to the ground making a sharp turn on the cul de sac.  I ran inside to my mom to take care of my battle wounds for the day.  The event prevented me for at least a week before attempting to ride the bike on my own again.  After several attempts and falls I eventually enjoyed the freedom to ride a bike around the neighborhood!  Take that you training wheels (though I still loved my big wheel)!!!

So what does this have to do with anything, let alone my faith in Christ?

Mark Twain stated, "History doesn't repeat, but it sure does rhyme!"  Our life carries many similar patterns and our faith gives light to that pattern. We need to look at this pattern in the life of Christ! (A necessary and common theme for most if not all of my blogs).  This pattern founded in Christ was brought to my attention by a social worker who counseled married couples.

He would ask the married couple, "So what are the greatest things in the marriage?"  They would reply, "The kids, the sex, the compromising."
He would follow up with another question, "So what are the most difficult things in the marriage?"
Their answer really didn't change; "The kids, the sex, the compromising."

In counseling couples the social worker learned a basic lesson founded in Christ:  You can't have the Resurrection without the Cross!  The social worker continued to find another event in Christ's life that was in the cycle of the Cross and the Resurrection and that was the event of the Transfiguration.  In the Transfiguration, Jesus was seen talking to Moses and Elijah.  Peter in his excitement wanted to remain on the mountain top and make tents/booths.  But the Lord pointed Peter to the the Cross.  It was in the Cross, which was a necessary act of our Lord, that would give the Apostles the fruit of the Resurrection, which was the Descent of the Holy Spirit. (cf. John 16:7 - "For if I do not go away, the Counselor will not come to you").

Our life does constantly rhyme as Mark Twain noticed.  It rhymes with transfigurations, crosses, and resurrections!

Let's just look at just a few examples:  a baby being born, riding a bike, wedding day, and the spiritual life.

In the mother's womb, the baby lives a life of comfort and protection (transfiguration).  The baby doesn't need to worry about food or much suffering.  I actually heard that during labor the baby fights against the labor.  But the baby is forced to leave the life of comfort and protection, only to be brought into the world with tears and cries (the cross).   But the babies life doesn't end in the life of tears, but smiles and laughter.   The senses of sight, smell, touch come forth and the baby receives love from their parents and will eventually learn how to love in return!

Now onto my story of riding a bike.  The desire to ride the bike started with great excitement and joy (transfiguration).  I actually started with great success only to find myself encountering the fall with scraped knees and bloody elbows (cross).  I eventually encountered the resurrection when I gained the freedom to ride without worrying about falling (resurrection).

A wedding day of course begins a journey of great excitement and joy (transfiguration).  Many people call the phase right after the wedding day the "honeymoon phase".  The honeymoon phase eventually ends and crosses begin to reveal itself in the growth of virtue (cross).  These crosses are seen in the form for the need for patience, the need for compromising, and working through difficulties and problems are just a few examples.  The married couple learns the need to surrender their own will for the sake of the spouse and family.  It is in these moments of the cross, as revealed by the social worker, the resurrection is found.  It is in the sacrifice that the family is brought to life!

The spiritual life is very similar.  As I worked on college campuses for many years, many students (including myself) began their journey of faith from a retreat/conference.  They encountered the love of the Lord and leave the retreat all fired up to change their life for the Lord (transfiguration).  This begins a journey that will actually transition into dryness and some difficulty (cross) as as the experience and joy of the retreat/conference begins to dissipate.  This dryness and difficulty is only to be followed by a deeper encounter with the Lord (resurrection)!  (see spiritual writings of St. John of the Cross and St. Teresa of Avila pointing to this reality)

The difficulty we currently face in our culture is that our culture tells us to deny the Cross.  One example that comes to mind is what many are telling my friends who are getting married.  They give the following advice, "Don't have kids right away!"  The advice proceeds from the idea of protecting the married from the difficulties and crosses of raising a child.  They try to keep the married couple in the life of the transfiguration.  But if Christ remained at the transfiguration, the apostles would not have experienced the power of the Resurrection not the descent of the Holy Spirit!

Let us not deny the Cross, but accept those crosses that the Lord is graciously giving to us.  The result of embracing our crosses will only give us hope and assurance of the Resurrection.  After living through this constant pattern of Transfiguration, Cross, and Resurrection we will only receive a greater peace when it is our time to leave this world!  Seeing the constant faith of our Lord, when it is time for us to face our final Cross we can only have hope and assurance of our final Resurrection!

Why My Dad Can't Hold a Secret From My Mom!

Growing up with my sisters and folks, I eventually came to realize a well known fact:  My dad can't hold a secret from my mom.   From supposed surprises such as gifts or parties for my mom, to expressing my desire to get my ears pierced in high school; my mom always seemed to know what was going on!

I never understood how and why my dad could not hold a secret from mom.  My dad served in the Vietnam War through the army's Military Intelligence.  During that time, my dad had learned to keep to himself and hold very pertinent, secret information.  So you would think a simple gift, surprise party, or even my desire to get my ear pierced would be in safe keeping???  Nope!  Why can't my dad keep a secret from my mom?  I think I discovered why!

It may sound silly, but it comes back to Genesis 2:21-23: "So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh; and the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.  Then the man said, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman because she was taken out of man.""

Now many modern day thinkers and progressive feminist will write off this passage.  They would argue that this passage leads to misogyny.  They will claim that the passage was written by men to show the primacy of men over women.  And it doesn't help that there are those people who have argued that the fall into Original Sin was Eve's fault.  

First, I won't deny the abuse and misogyny that has occurred over these passages, but we also can't dismiss the Word of God because of these recent 20th century arguments.   Second, this passage, I admit, should be dumbfounding and confusing.  It is through woman that life comes into the world.  Eve is given the title mother of all living! So in a certain sense we would expect Adam to come from Eve! (Hence many people lean towards the misogyny argument to explain this confusing Scripture passage).  However, the key to understand this passage comes by looking to Christ!  Jesus Christ is the ultimate fulfillment of the Scriptures (read the Gospel of Matthew and count how many times the author says, "so the prophet may be fulfilled".  I've counted 11 times).  If we look at this passage in the light of Christ, we might receive some understanding of the passage and why my dad can't hold a secret from my mom! 

The early Church fathers, along with St. Paul, taught that Christ was the New Adam.  The Church fathers also meditated on how the Church, the new Eve, came from the pierced side of the New Adam.  God in the story of Genesis is preparing the story of salvation.  He is revealing that from the side of the New Adam (Christ), the New Eve (the Church) will come forth!

But now to the main point and answer to my original question: Why can't my dad keep a secret from my mom?  to get to the answer we need to look at why God chose the rib of Adam?  There are many theories out there!  Some really cheesy ones as well.   For example; God did not choose a bone from his head for she was not to be above him; not from the feet for she was not to be below him; but from his side so they might go side by side!   Sweet as that is, I'm not a fan. 

I came across the following meditation that has been placed on my heart: God chose the rib of Adam because it is the rib that is responsible for guarding the heart!  Eve was to be the guardian of Adam's heart!  So when Eve eats of the forbidden fruit (which is just as much of Adam's fault), the decision was a universal decision for Adam as well.  For Eve, as Adam proclaimed, was "bones of my bones, flesh of my flesh."

So why can't my dad keep a secret from my mom?  My mom has become the guardian of my Father's heart.  And therefore he can't keep a secret from her.  And if you truly want know my father, who will you have to go to?  My mother of course!

What does this have to do with our faith?!?  Jesus Christ as the New Adam brings forth the Church from his pierced side.  And if we truly want come  to know Jesus Christ, who will we have to go to?  Who is the guardian of the Sacred Heart of Jesus?  The Church!  The New Eve!  It is time to come to know the Lord through the Church Christ established through the Apostles!  Let us come to the guardian of our Lord's heart and adore the Lord!

Fatherhood - an Open Battle Ground!

Father's Day is here and I'm about to head to El Salvador for a FOCUS mission trip!  So I thought I would write a blog about the fatherhood, a topic I spent this last year on with my bible study!  Below is a picture of some of the guys that were able to attend the study!

The topic on Fatherhood was a beautiful bible study, which rewarded me almost more than the students who participated.  I started the discussion laying out some stark facts, the general reality of a University setting like Boulder, and the spiritual reality that is before us.   It began with the following:

The CDC stat reported that 41% (higher in cities like Detroit which is about 80%) of all babies being born in the US are coming into Single Mom Homes.  That means about 60% are being born into the US with Mothers and Fathers.  The sad reality that either struck us personally or our families is the reality of Divorce.  We see divorce rates moving above 50%.   This means roughly speaking 70% of children will experience broken and incomplete families.  (Now I know this is not taking into account single mom's eventually marrying, or account for re-marriages but bare with me as I try to explain the physical and spiritual consequence of these stats and not get to caught up on the smaller details).  In any case the men saw where I was going with the topic!   In most cases there was a growth in the lack of fatherhood, but why?  Why is there a higher percentage of single parenting and broken families?  I shared a simple reality to the men: 

Men will become one of two things:  Fathers or Predators.   Whoa!  That seems quite contrast and no one likes being called a predator.  So I tried to explain it in a different context.  They will either become fathers where they will be selfless and lay down their life for their spouse and children.  Or they will become predators and see everything for their own end and act selfishly.  The terms could seem harsh, but the concept of selfless living and selfish living was a clear definition for the guys!

After I laid that foundation, I asked all the guys, "What is college preparing you for?"  Talk about a time of self realization.  Many of them were struck with the their own reality before them.  They started to share all the bad influences around them which pointed them to selfish ends.  Study aside, I can't tell you how many times I have to stop and ask the question: Am I doing this for my own end, or for God's?  Am I being selfish or selfless?

In all honesty this battle between fatherhood and predator shouldn't surprise us!  Why?  Because we see this battle for Fatherhood vs. predator in the Scriptures!

In the Gospel of John it is clear, there is a battle between to two kinds fatherhoods.  Read John Chapter 8:33 ff (and following). It is a discussion between Jesus and the Jews.  The Jews claim that Abraham was their father and therefore they are included in God's promise.  But Jesus calls outs their cow manure, (at this moment I imagine Jesus playing cards with the Jews.  The Jews lay their hand down and Jesus yells BS!!!).  He without hesitation says, "You are from your father the devil!" (John 8:44).  If there is anytime to use your imagination this is where the story seems to get real awkward.  Needless to say, the story ends with the Jews wanting to stone Jesus.  Go figure!

The second battle for Fatherhood is seen near the end of the Gospel of John.  Jesus is put on trial before Pontius Pilate.  Pilate tried to have Jesus released.  By following a Jewish tradition of releasing one prisoner, Pilate brings a criminal next to Jesus.   The choice was either Jesus or Barabbas: Jesus, son of the Heavenly Father, or Barabbas, a zealot, robber, and murder.  Barabbas name means Son of the Father (Bar means Son of, Abba means Father).  Unknowingly Pilate was asking the Jewish people to decide: Which Son of the Father are you going to follow?   Of course the proclamation to release Barabbas and Crucify our Lord resounds every year during Holy Week.

Jesus came to reveal this choice.  Jesus came to reveal God as Father.  Don't agree?  Read the Gospel of Matthew Chapters 5-7, which is called the Sermon on the Mount.  Jesus after calling the Apostles goes on the mountain side to teach the multitudes.  In the foundation of Jesus instruction,  Jesus mentions Father 17 times.  You don't have to be a theologian to notice that Jesus wants us to pay attention to his Father.  It is in this same section we receive the prayer; the Our Father.  It is now revealed to us, we can call God "Our" Father!  This is kind of a big deal and so beautiful so don't let this slip by!

With this foundations of society, university setting and spiritual reality of fatherhood men in the bible study, including myself,  could pursue the call of our own fatherhood together.  Little do people know that fatherhood just doesn't happen, it is something to prepare for and continual formation is needed to achieve.   For even The Lord calls us to be perfect as his Heavenly Father is perfect.  To be merciful as his Father is merciful!  One just doesn't become selfless overnight.  A person needs to constantly pursue the good so that in the end we will not become a predator acting on our own selfish desires!

May we all be selfless for The Lord!

In His Service

Yeah, I Still Got It: Hit on by a Drunk Atheist!

It was a beautiful spring Sunday in Boulder. Like many Sundays' prior, I had enjoyed my day by hiking the foothills, participating in evening Mass, and finished the night by listening to live Irish music, drinking fine irish beer, and having a great conversation with friends! Note: Being a(n) (Irish) Catholic involves having life to the Full!

Unlike to prior weekends something different was going to happen. Wait for it.... I was going to be hit on by a woman, a first in a really long time. I was in the midst of a conversation with a student when I spotted a woman across the bar. She was staring right at me. I, however, not wanting to jump to conclusions looked around to find no other man around me. What a surprise!?!  I'm 32 years old in a college town and it's quite apparent I need to start worrying about getting sunburned on the top of head! :)

I thought the woman was beautiful, but I was invested in the conversation with the student considering to join FOCUS.  So I decided not to pursue that conversation with the woman staring right at me! But alas it didn't matter because shortly after jumping back into the conversation with the student, she made her way over to me! Interrupting my conversation with the student, she began our conversation with the following, "Are you in the band?"

What a classy pick up line! The instant the words came out, her intoxicated state was apparent. This may explain why she was hitting on me! So I stopped my conversation with the student and engaged the intoxicated woman. (Note: this is not to be interpreted that I thought the woman was intoxicating). The small talk went as following with small questions like, "where are you from? What brought you out to Boulder? What do you do for a living?"

Of course any question you ask, you have to eventually answer (a small missionary trick)... And so I did... "I'm from the Midwest. My work brought me out here. I'm a Catholic missionary." She abruptly said "Oh, I don't F***ing care about religion." I was caught off guard. Did she think I was trying to share my faith with her? I was just explaining a fact of who I was! So I repeated the statement, "My work brought me out here, I'm a Catholic Missionary." I received the same response, "Like I said, I don't F***ing care about religion!"

Of course you know there is a reason for her intense statements filled with anger and hatred. So I asked, "Do you want to tell me about it?" She responded, "Why don't you tell me?" My heart of course picked up its pace. What do I tell her? Do I tell her my story? How the Lord pursued my heart? Do I talk about God's existence or of His love for us? So, I asked the Holy Spirit to guide me and I said "Well..." And again I was interrupted... She stated, "Here, we go again..." and took a sip of her drink.

So the Lord had a different plan for the conversation. I asked her, "Do you even want to hear what I have to say?" She responded with a clear, "NO!" She then exclaimed with strong confidence, "Science is my religion." Without hesitation I responded to her total disregard to my Faith with, "And what has Science brought you?" It seemed like she was going to say something, but it was my turn to interrupt! "Except loneliness and emptiness! At least that's what Science has brought me!" (Note: I had earlier squeezed in the brief conversation that I had received my Engineering degree from University of Illinois concentrated in Robotics, to try to soften the idea that I was a religious fanatical denying the world completely of anything good.) How intense! I was expecting a middle finger, the throwing of water in my face, maybe some more swearing, but you could see that I hit something in her claim about science being a religion.  Though science had made so many promising claims to her, it still didn't fill the void in her heart. She just walked away slowly mumbling something like "Good luck with that."

I bring up this conversation, as intense as it was, not to show that at the age of 32 in a college town I still have the ability to pick up (intoxicated) women. No! 

I bring this up because I too struggle and turn to the world for answers! I turn to entertainment (TV, movies, concerts, music), friendships, etc... to fill the void of loneliness and emptiness. We, to our own detriment, turn to quickly to the world for answers. When clearly the world doesn't have the answer! Or does it?!?  St. Thomas Aquinas gives us a great insight into this truth:

"Because man, in deserting God had stooped to corporeal things, it was necessary that God should take the flesh and by corporeal things should afford him the remedy of salvation"

What a beautiful understanding of God! What a beautiful reality of our Christian Faith! Man deserted God and turned to the world for all their answers. God could have, and justly so, left us to the world, but it was not in God's desire. God desires Man to be and share in the relationship between Triune exchange of Persons (A very deep Mystery) . But to allow humanity to enter this relationship and exchange of Divine life, God would have to become Flesh (or corporeal as St. Thomas Aquinas put it). And God would use a corporeal body to bring Man into the Divine life. 

St. Ambrose commenting on the Our Father Prayer makes a similar claim:

"O man, you did not dare to raise your face to heaven, you lowered your eyes to the earth, and suddenly you have received the grace of Christ all your sins have been forgiven. From being a wicked servant you have become a good son. Then raise your eyes to the Father who has begotten you through Baptism, to the Father who has redeemed you through his Son, and say: "Our Father."

It's because of our broken nature we always turn to the world for the answers! So God came into the world to draw us to Himself!  So the answer we seek, ironically, is in the world, but not of the world. The answer is Jesus Christ!   Don't be fooled by the promises of this world.  Don't be fooled by the empty promises of the world, but turn to the ultimate promise of God who came into the world so we may be drawn into something beyond this world!

St. Irenaeus of Lyons - "The Son of God became the Son of Man that the sons of men might become the sons of God"

Love requires a response: it requires OUR Response!

I was recently reading Prayer by Hans Urs von Balthasar and I came across the following quote, "How can a person seriously believe that God is love...and at the same time refuse to love God in return?"  His rhetorical question is to point to the simple fact: Love requires a response, Love requires our response!

And then my mind went wandering:

How many stories point to the difficulty of love's necessary response?  The story line goes as the following:  The protagonist in pursuit of happiness professes his/her love to the assumed love of their life, "I love you!" Only to find awkward silence or at best, "Well that's nice" or "Well I really I like you." The audience, including myself, begin to squirm and their hearts go out to the protagonist.  Why? We desire, we long for love to conquer.  We want the happy ending: "I Love You Too!"  (Note - this longing for love to conquer points to our own disposition and desire to love and be loved)

Then I began to reflect over all my friends who were recently engaged.  What is the first question you ask?  Of course it's how did he propose?  Were there tears? I always imagine...The man takes the knee, professes his enduring love to the woman and with a dramatic pause the woman says... It's breath-taking, yet also nerve wrecking!  Two lives will either radically come together, or separate.

I believe we love these stories because we desire to enter into the story of love, but see how we are called to respond to it.  It's not the proposal that's so great!  It's the YES to the Proposal that makes our hearts jump!

Now back to Hans Urs von Balthasar's point: Love requires our response.  What is it that our faith proclaims?  If we don't acknowledge God's love for us, how can we respond to it?  If we struggle to connect an event that happened 2,000 years ago from today, we will continue struggle with our own problems and look for answers that are not found in Christ.

This is where understanding our faith is so important.   It is important to understand who Jesus Christ is: a Divine person that is fully human and fully divine!  Not only do we have God who expands through all time and eternity, but we have a God who became flesh to reveal His love to all humanity through his death on the Cross.  This moment, this event, is not an event or moment that fades away.  Actually the Power of the Cross remains for all eternity!

Our Lord has truly loved us and continues to love us!  He has revealed the extent of his love on the Cross and now it is our turn to respond.  And what will our response be?  Will we sit an awkward silence, will we say "well that's nice" or even "well I really like you."  All is to insufficient... we need to make a complete surrender and yell it, "I LOVE YOU too!"  Let's enter into Love's Story, Let's respond to God's Love!

St. Augustine - “To fall in love with God is the greatest romance; to seek him the greatest adventure; to find him, the greatest human achievement.”

In His Service
Michael Kearney