Friday, September 12, 2014

The Lesson My 3 Year-Old God Daughter Taught Me!

This past summer between assignments I had a two week window for vacation.  I hit the road in excitement for a cross country adventure from the Midwest to Colorado and back.  The highlight of my trip was the opportunity to spend time with my God children; 3 of which are in the picture (Brendan, Luke and Colleen).  Little did I know, out of all the people I was able to visit, it was the time I spent with my God children that would lead me to my greatest meditation and challenge this year leading up to my Ordination.  

It had been over a year since I had the opportunity to see my God children. I always prepare myself because of my yearly visit, they change so much in a year!!! On this trip, there was another surprise: it was my God daughter, Colleen and how she would capture my heart.   

My trip began meeting the family at the local children's museum.  Brendan and Luke of course carried their similar personalities from my last visit, but Colleen's personality caught me off guard. At the museum, Colleen took on a small ropes course without any reservation that was built for a child twice her size.  Even her brothers, who were adventurous in their own right, were showing some hesitation as they went through the course.  She was fearless!   

This was followed by another adventure; a trip to the local pool.  Luckily we had an adult for each child, which we would rotate around!  The pool was a time of craziness: water-gun fights and attempts to go to the deep end of the pool.  Part of the time I was able to carry Colleen.  This involved taking her from one side of the pool to the other and helping her splash her brothers!  

As much as those events were filled with laughter and some tears from chlorine in our eyes, there was a particular moment that will remain in my mind and heart.  It was the time I was with Colleen by the pool's edge.  I sat her on the concrete edge of the pool and I gave her the encouragement to fall into my arms. You could see on her face that she had some hesitancy with my plan (as if she was saying, you gotta be kidding me? or "what you talking about Willis?").  But after another word of encouragement, she leaned forward and fell into my arms and I caught her!  Right when she came to understand what happened, her smile and laughter could fill anyone's heart.  I put her once again by the pool's side, but this time I had her stand.  She fell into my arms again with even greater excitement and trust.  Before I knew it, she was throwing herself into the water as I stepped further and further away from the pool's edge.  How beautiful was it to see her complete abandonment, and how much joy she had received when she was caught!

As I continue to pray through my discernment toward the Catholic Priesthood, I can't help but see this image reappear in my prayers.  Day in and day out, I see the Lord taking me to the edge, and asking me to jump in trust!  This didn't start with a large jump nor total abandonment, but me first leaning and letting my momentum take me off the edge.  Immediately, (in scriptural terms) the Lord caught me and there was joy in falling into the arms of my Lord. But it didn't end there, the Lord once again placed me on the edge.  This time standing up, the Lord asked me to jump and again the Lord caught me!  I soon began to understand the same joy my God daughter felt in her small acts of abandonment by jumping into the pool.  

Right now, as we speak, the Lord is placing me on the edge like my God daughter at the pool and He's taking a few more steps away from the edge and asking me to really jump!  But unlike my God daughter who had complete abandonment, I'm starting to freak out!  There is a fear; will the Lord continue to catch me?  What if He's not there this time? What if there comes a time He won't be there?  

Of course, as I continue to pray and reflect I can't help but think of all the times the Lord has caught me in my acts of abandonment: from choosing ministry over engineering, from being diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma, from entering the seminary, from leaving the seminary only to find myself being called to re-enter the seminary. The Lord has always caught me.  And without fail, I found myself with great joy in my abandonment to the Lord.  What is better then jumping into the Lord's arms with complete abandonment?  Nothing! I have my God daughter to thank for that wonderful meditation and challenge.  So here goes nothing, I'm ready to jump!