Forget the Valentine's Card, Isn't My Presence Enough?

It's amazing the things the Lord will draw up in prayer.  At my Diaconate Ordination I promised to pray the Liturgy of the Hours, which is a set of prayers that you pray throughout the day; 5 sets to be exact.  I was praying what is known as the Office and Morning Prayer in the Chapel and the Lord brought me back to 13 years ago when I was in College.

At the end of my sophomore year and into most of my Junior year I dated this amazing Catholic woman named Katie.  She had become my college sweet heart as we spent most of our time together outside of the Newman center, Mass, and school.  Through my junior year, my engineering academics began to pick up especially in my second semester with Quantum Physics, Thermodynamics, Material science class and lab to just to name a few classes that I remember.  Needless to say, the amount of time needed to spend on my class work was pretty high.  Katie understanding this during the start of February and our upcoming first Valentine's day celebration simply told me, "Michael, I know that you are really busy and I don't expect much for Valentine's Day, if you just get me a card I will be happy."  What a great girlfriend right?

Well leading up to Valentine's day, which fell on a Saturday, Katie's Grandfather passed away.  During the week, her family picked her up and they went off to Ohio for the wake and funeral.  So when she returned on Friday evening, I made the promise to myself to not let my homework or lab reports to get in the way our Valentine's day.  I woke up on Saturday (probably around 10 AM it was a college schedule) and spent all day with her from lunch, to a park even in the cold, dinner, and movie to end the night.  After about 12 hours and before we had to say goodnight, Katie started to cry.  She said to me, "Michael, all I asked from you was a card, and you didn't even do that!"  I, out of frustration, tried to explain to Katie, that my Valentine's day gift was clearing my entire day, WASN'T MY PRESENCE ENOUGH?

Fast forward to last Saturday as I'm praying my Liturgy of the Hours!  The Lord brought light into my own brokenness.  The Lord pointed to all the things I have asked for and how I was caught up in my own tears and frustration with the Lord not answering my requests. Yet the Lord asked me in a simple phrase, with this story in mind, ISN'T MY PRESENCE ENOUGH?  

Needless to say, I sat there silent.  

Calculus and Faith!

When I was young, math always came easy to me.  It started with Mrs. Todd teaching me the multiplication table in 2nd grade, and continued into Mrs. Lehman's 3rd grade bi-weekly quizzes that I would always ace!  This continued through honor's math through middle school.  But there did come a time when math became difficult and I didn't actually understand the material.  It was in Calculus when numbers were traded in with letters and from the graphs and equations we had to derive or integrate!  I recall a clear moment leading up to my first calculus exam where nothing made sense.  I spent hours with my classmates studying and preparing for the exam.  Maybe it was the Lord's prayers and a divine Grace, but the night before the exam, I can actually recall the place and moment, something happened.  Everything seemed to click!  I understood Calculus!!! (or at least the material for the first exam, there were many more hours of studying to come).





(Mr. Braun's Calc BC Class! I'm in the front with the vest - just look at that hair :)

It was clear in calculus as it is in my faith, some times we don't always understand things right away.  And sometimes we need to put ourselves into a position to understanding through work!

My oldest sister, Suzie, understands this!  Even though my nephew is enjoying his summer vacation, he still is required by his mom, my sister, to read 20 minutes a day and do daily math problems!  Why?  My sister understands that Liam, through reading and doing math problems, will grow in comprehension and problem solving!  What if Liam, my nephew, were to come up to his mom and say, "Mom, I'm just not getting anything out of reading and doing math problems, and I'd rather play video games?"  You can only imagine his mother's response, "Tough!" My sister knows, that even if Liam can't see his progress and growth in his comprehension and problem solving, he is improving and putting himself into a position to succeed in school!

These stories came to mind as I read the Gospel for this past weekend (John 6:41-51).  The Jews began to murmur against Jesus!  These were the same people who followed Jesus, saw his miracles, and had their fill with the multiplication of the loaves.  In the next couple of Sunday readings of the Gospel, we will see those same Jews leave Jesus because they don't understand him!  But guess what?  The Apostles, those who stick with Jesus, didn't understand him either!  Jesus asks them at the end of chapter 6, if they too will leave (Jn 6:67).  It is clear that the Apostles throughout the Gospels didn't understand the Lord, yet they remained with him. Maybe they knew, like my studying for my calculus exam, that they would eventually understand.  Or maybe they knew, like my sister with her son, that they might not see their growth, but are actually growing closer to God!  Either case it involved the Apostles staying with the Lord!

I have encountered many fallen away Catholics.  Many say, "I just don't get anything out of Mass; from the music, to the homilies (not mine of course), to the Eucharist."  What is my response?  It's similar to my sister's response, but maybe with a little more charity; "Tough!"  Just because you don't feel like your getting anything out of Mass doesn't mean you should stop going!  You should work all the more to try to understand what is going on, through personal study or preparation for the Mass.  And you need to trust that the Lord is working even when you don't see it!  Don't be like those who left the Lord because they didn't understand!


So don't be discouraged if you go to Mass and feel like your getting nothing out of it!  Continue to trust that the Lord is working on your heart even when you don't see it, and that He will reveal Himself to us in the Breaking of the Bread! (cf. Luke 24:35)

God Reveals Himself In Our Own Brokenness and Suffering!

As I look back on my life, I can events that occurred in my life of brokenness and sufferings: from heart aches to heart breaks, from physical illness to spiritual illnesses, to experience tremendous loss.  My responses to God was all to similar, it was a simple question, "Why God?"  These words would escape from my heart through a sigh.

The past couple of days for daily Mass we have been reading about the life of Joseph in the Old Testament.  Joseph's story in Genesis begins at the age of 17, his brothers desire his death, but instead of killing him they decide to at least benefit from his life and sell Joseph into slavery (Gen 37).  Joseph ends up in Egypt to be falsely accused of adultery and ends up in an Egyptian prison.  While in prison he interprets a butler's dream and gives a good interpretation, afterwards he tells the butler to not to forget him. The butler was released from prison and what happens? The butler forgets Joseph for 2 years!  You can only imagine the same words coming across Joseph's mouth, "Why God?"

When Joseph turns 30, Joseph is raised up out of prison and placed at Pharaoh's right hand.  Joseph was placed in charge with the Egyptian's food supply for the next 14 years. During that time Egypt had 7 years of plenty, followed by 7 years of famine.   Joseph stored up grain during the years of plenty and when the 7 years of famine hit the world, the world turned to Egypt for food.  During that time his own brothers, who sold him into slavery, came to Egypt to receive food.  Joseph in the end reveals himself to his brother, but not in a way that I would have expected:

“I am your brother Joseph, whom you once sold into Egypt. But now do not be distressed, and do not reproach yourselves for having sold me here. It was really for the sake of saving lives that God sent me here ahead of you.”


(Picture of Joseph revealing himself to his brothers)

In all that Joseph experienced, he still saw the Lord's hand in it.  From the evil of his brothers, to the loss of his freedom, to being falsely accused of a crime and forgotten in prison, Joseph remains faithful and trusts in the Lord's plan.  And yet, there is something even deeper being reveals in Joseph's story.  Joseph suffers tremendously, in a sense has his own passion, only to be raised to the right hand of Pharaoh, which the Egyptians believed to be a god.  It was there Joseph was called to save the world by feeding them grains.  This story of Joseph is preparing us to be able to receive the story of Christ.  Jesus, the true son of God, who in his own passion and death is raised to the right hand of God the Father, only to feed us with through grain of His own Body (and Blood)!

What does mean for us?  One to trust in God even through the most difficult and trying times, but secondly, if we look close enough in our own sufferings and brokenness, we will see the Lord revealing Himself to us in his own Passion, Death, and Resurrection.  Amen!