Another Year for Resolutions - Another Year to Discover God's Will!

It's amazing how every New Year brings with it another year of resolutions!  Another year is set to re-discover and reclaim for ourselves those things we desire.  Everyone in their own way desire to (re)discover the purpose of their life!  

I recently came across a beautiful quote from Pope Benedict XVI: 

"Each of us is WILLED, each of us is LOVED, each of us is NECESSARY!" 

If we are willed, loved, and necessary, then we need to ask why did God's will us? Why are we necessary?  I believe the New Year's resolution is touching a deep desire to understand that God created us out of His will and His love, and that we are necessary!  It is a time to discover God's plan for us!

This past fall, I was blessed to study JPII's "Theology of the Body."  The book is made up of a collection of 129 lectures he gave over Wednesday audiences from Sept. 1979 to Nov. 1984. He addressed the understanding of the human person, in light of human sexuality.  In reading a few lectures for class, I discovered a theme that resounds in my life of discovering God's plan for me!  Pointing to a necessary New Year's resolution. 

JPII presented the following;

In the beginning...
A. God's plan involved creating man and woman for "Himself"
B. Man/Woman was given free will
C. It was in free will man and woman discovers the beauty of "gift of self" to the other (self-gift)

But something happened! In Original sin, the human condition was disordered.  Now enters Concupiscence (a big theological term describing the disorder found in man and woman's will).  JPII writes, "by violating the dimension of the mutual gift of the man and the woman, concupiscence also casts doubt on the fact that each of them is willed by the Creator "for himself." (General Audience 32.5)

The result follows!
C'. Man/Woman fails in self-gift (through failure of self-mastery and putting self over the other)
B'. Man/Woman questions his/her free-will along with losing their free will through slavery to sin.
A'. Man/Woman questions God's plan or even worse, numbs themselves to the idea that there is no purpose/plan for their lives.

Note the reversal found from the original plan for Man and Woman.

After discovering this fact, I recalled all the times I questioned my own vocation.  Felt lost without purpose or control of my life!  It was the time that I failed to give myself completely over to others as a self-gift, when I was self centered, it was when I became enslaved to sin, which followed with questioning God's plan in my life!    It's only when I made a resolve to make myself a self-gift to others, that I freed myself through prayer and Sacraments (Reconciliation and Eucharist), and rediscovered God's plan for myself and the ability to surrender myself to others.

The New Year's is upon us!  A new year to reclaim God's plan, our free will, and make ourselves a self gift!  Through the Grace of Christ, through the Sacrament of reconciliation and the Eucharist, we have the ability of rediscover the fact: 

"Each of us is WILLED, Each of us is LOVED, Each of us is NECESSARY!"

God does have a plan for us!  

The Lonely Life: My Greatest Fear and Yet it is Where the Lord Calls Me (all of us)

The greatest fear I constantly face while I'm in the seminary studying for the Catholic Priesthood is the fear of loneliness.  Choosing the Catholic Priesthood means choosing a celibate life!  Of course, we associate celibacy with loneliness because it is surrounded by choosing a single life.  Celibacy seems unnatural and undesired.  In all honesty, I too struggle with the idea of celibacy and if called to accept it, celibacy would be a huge sacrifice.  Why do I struggle?  Well, it usually starts with the following questions that arise in my heart: What if I become lonely in my ministry?  What if I fall in love (which I can almost guarantee will happen)?  I then turn to Scripture to build my argument against celibacy even further to match my questions: "It's not good for man to be alone" (Gen 2:18).  Wow, why am I in the seminary and pursuing celibacy again?!?! :)

Then I realize loneliness is not a celibacy issue, it's a human issue.  We all encounter loneliness in a very intense way.   We face times of isolation.  Pope Benedict actually names isolation as the greatest form of poverty in the world. (cf. Charity in Truth, paragraph 53).  We encounter loneliness even when we have the most intimate relationships.  I had a priest share with me a very powerful insight, "You think being single and lonely is tough, think about those who are married and still find themselves lonely even though they have someone inches away from them."

If loneliness is an issue for everyone, then what are we to do?  It seems we can't run away from loneliness, or there is no real answer out there.   I recently came across the following Scripture passage that may give us insight; Matthew 14:13-21.  Jesus just heard about the beheading of St. John the Baptist (a quite disturbing story).  Jesus desires to withdrawal from the crowds because of the death of his cousin, but also the reality that he too would have to face death (cf. Mt 16:21, Jesus announces to his Apostles he too will die shortly afterwards).

It says in Matthew 14:13 that Jesus withdrew to a lonely place.  The only problem is the crowd follows him, with compassion he turns toward the crowd and heals their sick.  What really captures me is in verse 15.  As the day comes to the close, the disciples seeing the crowds try to give advice to the Lord; "This is a lonely place, and the day is now over; send the crowds away into the villages and buy food for themselves."  Jesus responds to his disciples, "you give them something to eat."  The disciples are dumbfounded for they have only 5 loaves and 2 fish, but Jesus reveals a plan that will be the foundation of the Church and give us insight how to face our own loneliness!

Jesus took, blessed, broke, and gave the loaves and fishes to the disciples to then go out to and feed the crowd; over 5,000 were fed!  What does this have to do with anything?   Without going into a full out Scripture study, the feeding of the thousand stories found in all 4 Gospels uses the same language of the Last Supper, and are connected to the same words we use in the Mass!  Do these words sound familiar? "At the time he was betrayed and entered willingly into his passion he took bread and, giving thanks (blessed), broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying "take this, all of you, and eat of it, for this is my Body which will be given up for you.""  If you attend Mass, the words should remind you of the Eucharistic prayer said at most Masses.  If you read the Scriptures, it should remind you St. Paul explaining the instruction he had received from the Lord; 1 Cor 11:23,24.

While the disciples wanted to dismiss the crowd from the lonely place to go back into the world, the Lord wanted them to do what?  He wanted the crowd to remain in the lonely place with Him so that he could fill their hunger!  He wanted to fill their loneliness!  With what?  With ordinary bread?  No, he wanted to fill them with the Bread from Heaven.  He wanted to fill them with Himself!!!

What a beautiful reality to the solution of loneliness: Jesus Christ draws us to a lonely place.  It is there that turns toward us with compassion and heals us.  It there he feeds us and fulfills us.  Even though we ourselves look elsewhere to be fed, only Jesus Christ through the Church, built on the foundation of the Apostles, can truly feed us with the bread from heaven; the Eucharist!  (Note that after he takes, blesses it, breaks the loaves, he gives it to the disciples to distribute)

Do I still get lonely in the seminary?  Yes!  Do I still struggle and desire to leave this lonely place I constantly find myself in?  Yes!  But I'm reminded, it is not in the world that my hungers and desires are fulfilled!  It actually in this lonely place the Lord draws me, has compassion toward me, and heals me. It is in the lonely place where the Lord feeds me, nourish me, and gives me Himself! Next time you feel lonely don't try to run away from it with worldly things or distractions; go to the Lord in prayer, read the Scriptures, and if all possible, go to Mass!

Just Call Me Goldi-Locks: I just didn't eat the Porridge

This past weekend I returned to the blessed state of Colorado to be a Groomsmen for a marriage of some FOCUS missionary friends.  Now Mr. and Mrs. Christopher and Samantha (Davenport) Rothschild.  And just like any long hours of traveling, your bound to get a crazy story! Here's mine!

Before the Wedding and After wedding pictures!  I was blessed to do a mission to El Salvador with both of them in June

So my trip started with waking up at 3 AM (2 AM Mountain Time) to leave for the airport at 3:30 in the morning.  My father graciously picked me up from the seminary the night before to drive me in.  I arrived to the airport with plenty of time to do my morning prayers and to relax before getting on the plane.  I got on the plane and before I know it I started talking to the passenger right next to me.  She started asking questions that I would usually start with... "So are you coming or going?  Is Denver your home?"  Which of course I explained, Colorado use to be my home for the past three years, but I have returned to my studies.  She continued to ask where, so I responded, St. Mary of the Lake University, I'm studying to be a Catholic Priest, when she replied, "Oh my former boy-friend is a Catholic Seminarian."  To my surprise for this is not a common response (especially on top of the fact that she wasn't Catholic).  Turns out, I actually knew her former boyfriend.  Needless to say I should of known the trip was going to be crazy/great from the get go.

When I landed and got my rental car, I decided to feed my coffee addiction because of my early morning and another 2 hour drive to get to my next destination.  I found myself at a local Starbucks.  Little did I know I that I would run into a Missionary's sibling working there.  She recognized my FOCUS logo jacket and it started a short and exciting conversation.

I made my to Pueblo, CO for Mass, tuxedo fitting/pickup, and lunch, only to find out that the plan was to do the Rehearsal at 5 PM, Dinner at 7 PM, and men's night with fire and beer until 11:30.  Realizing that I would need to at least get a nap I asked Christopher if I could slip away for mid afternoon siesta.  A former missionary also joined me because he needed to shower and clean up for the rehearsal.  In order to save some cost, the groomsmen were invited by a FOCUS Mission Partner (Someone who has supported Samantha in her mission with FOCUS) to stay at their place.  Christopher explained the place to have a basement with 2 queen size beds.  Through his iPhone he shared the pin drop of the house and explicitly said to go to the pin drop (location on the GPS map).  He also shared their contact information so that I could call ahead and let the owner know that I was coming.  After making my way from Pueblo to Rye, CO, which was another 40 minute drive, I called the owner 20 minutes out.  Told him I was coming, he shared his excitement to have us.

So I pulled up to the house, entered the basement door saying my dad's traditional entrance tune, "hello to the house, hello to the house."  I made my way upstairs to meet the owner, only to find the owner of the house sleeping on the lazy boy watching TV.  Not wanting to disturb the our hose, I turned around noticed the 8 shotguns and rifles on his near by gun rack.  I discovered the 2 queen size beds as Chris described and jumped on the top of the covers to take a short nap, while the other groomsmen was about to clean up.  The bed was so comfortable and I knew it wouldn't take long to be completely asleep, when I heard the other groomsmen introducing himself to the owner of the house.  Before I knew it, Michael knocked on my door, exclaiming "Michael, we are at the wrong House!!!"  I jumped out of bed, fumbled through my phone to try to explain to the owner and his son why were at the house and that we were suppose to stay at the Power's house.   Little did we notice, the sign that said at the basement door, welcome to the Decker's House.  Apologizing profusely, the older son jumped on his 4 wheeler to take us up further up the mountain to the Power's House.  Needless to say, I didn't get my nap in because my heart was pounding from the mistake.  What would of happened if the groomsmen jumped into shower?  Would I have been met with the shotgun?
All I can say is, "at least I didn't eat the porridge!"

My lesson and Theological point for this blog:  Don't sleep in a stranger's bed!

The Failure of the Soap Box Preacher!

When I was a missionary at the University of Colorado, there were many days I would pass the student union of campus and there would be a preacher yelling at the students passing by!  He would yell something of the following:

"You are all going to hell if you don't repent"  "Homosexuals are doomed to hell" "Stop your Fornication, Stop your Masturbation, You need to repent!"  Of course this would draw a confrontational crowd, while many others remained apathetic as they walked by probably stating in their minds "here we go again."  Anger would arise in students that stuck around and they would in turn yell back at the preacher.  In the end, there was no spiritual progress.  Anger would reside in the crowd and the preacher walked away with a false sense of pride because they felt persecuted on behalf of the Lord.  It was a complete failure.  Why?  The preacher didn't preach the Good News, which is the Gospel.  For how is it yelling, "Your going to Hell," any Good News at all?!?

Before I go into why this is a complete failure and not true Christianity, I do want to clarify a few things.  I do believe we are body and soul.  And I do believe our physical actions have the ability to turn us away spiritually from God and in the end bring us to eternal damnation.  Hell is part of what Jesus Christ proclaimed and taught, usually in the context of parable of people ending outside the gates with gnawing and gnashing of teeth.  God permits hell to exists because God will never over power our free-will decisions, otherwise we would never be able to freely love.  I believe evil, which includes hell, is an absence of God.  In the end, Hell is a place where God is absent.  I believe we see hell clearly in our physical reality.  I believe it was Pope Benedict that pointed to the following truth: Don't believe there is an eternal hell?  Then how can you explain how so many people are living in a physical hell right now?  Through anger, depression, darkness, sadness, grief, loss of hope.  It is clear that hell is real!

But why will the Soap Box Preacher proclaiming hell ALWAYS FAIL!  Because he doesn't start with Love!  It is our encounter with Love that our sin comes to the forefront.  It is in the midst of Love, which we receive through Grace, that we become distasteful of our sins.  I love the calling of the Apostle, Simon Peter in Luke chapter 5.  It's not until he comes to know who Jesus is after his encounter with the Lord before he falls to his knees and says, "Depart from me Lord for I am a sinful man."  It is in Love that the ugliness of sin is revealed.  It is in the encounter of the Lord that allows us to understand the actual consequence of living outside of that Love! 

Well didn't John the Baptist preach the need to repent? "Repent for the Kingdom of God is at hand."  My friends, John the Baptist was in the desert.  People went out to him because they were searching for God's message for them.  They were seeking out a prophet for guidance.  He didn't go into other people's faces, but he desired to bring people closer to God and prepare people for Jesus Christ.   

Another example, let's look at St. Paul, the greatest evangelist and preacher.  St. Paul goes into Athens, where there are countless statutes to false gods and idols.  St. Paul was surrounded by people living in fornication and false idolatry! What does St. Paul do and say? "You are all damned to hell for what you worship!"  NO!!!  He doesn't say that, he says;

"I believe that in every way you are very religious. For I have passed along, and observed the objects of your worship, I found also an altar with this inscription, 'To an unknown god.'  What therefore you worship as unknown, this I proclaim to you" (Acts 17:22-23). 

St. Paul understood that he needed to bring the people to encounter with the unknown god and from there he could then address their sin.  Yes, St. Paul does correct various communities harshly in his letters found in the Scriptures, but these communities knew Paul.  The knew of his love for them, and Paul knew that they had encountered the Love of the Lord before he addressed their need for correction!

It is then no surprise that we find this same foundation of encountering love before addressing one's sin in many of the spiritual gifts of the Church.  One in particular comes from St. Ignatius of Loyola.  He was the founder of the Jesuits and he came up with what are called the Spiritual Exercises.  The exercises are based on meditating on four parts: Sins (of the world and ourselves), the Life of Christ, the Death of Christ, and His Resurrection.  But before you could go into the first stage on the meditation on Sin, your spiritual director needs to make sure that you know one thing!  You know what that one thing is?  That you have encountered and experience the Love of Christ!!!

University campuses don't need soap box preachers proclaiming hell!  What the University campuses, and to be quite honest what we all need, is a soap box preacher proclaiming from the depth of their heart and being that WE ARE LOVED!  That we are worthy of the love!  That we are his sons and daughters of God!  It is when we encounter the Lord is when we will start to remove the sins from our lives!  Let us not be afraid to yell of God's love for us from the roof tops!

Don't Be a Holy Prick: The Devil was a Holy Prick!

When I was a missionary and even now as a seminarian studying for the priesthood, it drives me crazy when people portray or proclaim their holier than thou attitude.  Either because of their specific vocation (mostly found in religious or holy orders) or even their spiritual accomplishments or studies in the spiritual life (i.e. spiritual retreats/encountered various sufferings), they seem to have a pride that defeats the beauty of their relationship with the Lord or at the very worse it is off-putting.  I've even walked away from people stating "if that's what it means to be in relationship with the Lord, I don't want it!"

Of course as I continue to study the lives of great saints and study the spiritual life, I've come to understand that as you encounter Christ through grace, your sin becomes more apparent and humility guides us in the spiritual life.  The great comparison; a brighter light will reveal in greater details the flaws of the object.  So as we grow closer to the Lord, in light, our own flaws become apparent.  So apparent do these flaws appear, that many of the great saints (not being overly pious) proclaimed they were the greatest of all sinners.  G.K. Chesterton when asked to list the greatest problem in the Church, he responded, "I am!"

The spiritual life brings us to humility, not pride.  Humility is nothing more than acknowledging our rightful place.  Compared to the infinite, I am nothing.  Compared to the eternal, my life doesn't compare.  But when pride kicks in, what happens...

The first and greatest example of someone who was a "holy" prick is the devil! In Ezekiel (28:14) it is revealed that the Devil's name was Lucifer, He was a Cherub one of the highest arch-angels established solely to serve and worship the Lord.  He was holy, being so close to the Lord.  So what happened?  Theologians speculate it was his pride that led to his fall.  I believe and theologians propose, that it was revealed to Lucifer and the other fallen angels that God would choose to become man and by doing so the angels would have to bow to a species that was bodily and lower than their species, which was purely spirit.  Rather then serving below himself, he rebelled.  It wasn't that Lucifer was against serving a higher species, it was just that he wouldn't serve someone lower than him!

Our faith calls for humility and that is why I love our new Pope.  Pope Francis for those who watched his announcement to the Bishop of Rome, he first asked for the blessing of the people before he himself in turn blessed the crowd.  There is a humility in this Pope, which comes even in the name St. Francis of Assisi, that is capturing.  It's his humility that he leads, not his self-proclaimed holiness!

Let us in all humility acknowledge our sin and turn to the Lord to guide us!!!

The Need to Be Chosen! Part of My Journey Back to the Seminary

When I left the seminary 3 years ago I had much peace and joy in leaving as I did for the love of the Lord.  I didn't leave in discord or anger.  This confounded many of my close friends who saw many of my gifts and talents as a sign calling me to the priesthood.  For even I understood that gifts are given to individuals for the sake of others and not self!  But I truly had confirmation in leaving, through my love of the Lord and through the intercession of a St. Joseph, I felt called to leave the seminary!  But if that is the case, then why am I back? Great question!

If I had to try explain it, I would say the Lord wanted me to feel His calling to the priesthood.  He didn't want me to just go through the motions in becoming a priest, but have the desire of the Church in my heart to become a priest!  This comes with being chosen by the Lord.  Trust me, if I wasn't called, the celibate life is not something I would choose freely.  But I am, however, willing to enter into the espousal love with the Lord and His Church.  That is a life I would gladly accept!

To be chosen, to feel chosen is a gift and it is something lost in our culture!  Do we as Christians believe we are chosen? Chosen to be God's sons and daughters? What happens when we lose that sense of being chosen?  I think our culture reveals it, a sense of despair and desperation.  Philip Rieff in his book The Triumph of the Therapeutic hits this point;

"There is no more feeling more desperate than that of being free to choose, and yet without the specific compulsion of being chosen...This is one way of stating the difference between gods and men.  Gods choose; men are chosen.  What men lose when they become as free as gods is precisely that sense of being chosen, which encourages them, in there gratitude, to take their subsequent choices seriously"

Remember the story of humanity?  Remember the story of Adam and Eve?  Didn't the serpent tell them if they ate of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil that they would become like God himself?  We, constantly battle this!  We constantly grasp at things and forget that the Lord has chosen us from the very beginning!  If we can grasp this understanding, then the response to his love is easy! 

In my call back to the seminary, I'm diving back into the beauty of being chosen.  Not to the idea of being chosen for the priesthood, as beautiful as that is, but to being His son.  I will continue to surrender to the Lord and pray that He will fulfill what he started in my re-application to the seminary!  And if I do one day become a priest, I believe JPII's response to a similar question, "why the priesthood?" will have to be my answer: “I am often asked, especially by young people, why I became a priest. I must begin by saying that it is impossible to explain entirely. For it remains a mystery, even to myself. How does one explain the ways of God!”

Giving Nothing and Gaining Everything: It's at least an intelligible decision!

It was pointed out to me, it's not really proper to talk about personal vocations (married, priesthood, religious call) around things we actually have given up!  Because in the end, anything compared to the infinite and divine is well minuscule/nothing.

Have you ever heard someone give a testimony about how they lived before Christ surrounded by their success in their  job, money, and/or life style; only to have them proceed with the need to sacrifice that job, money, and/or lifestyle for the Lord? (You can also see this as a secular argument when someone goes from the single life to the married life; side note, watch Family Man where Nicholas cage struggles to pass on success for the sake of the family)  They talk like they GAVE everything up for their relationship with The Lord!  But in all reality compared to what they have and will receive is infinite. 

This where we need to step in and remind them of this fact (maybe with the same attitude): "So you gave up really nothing for the sake of everything.  If anything, your decision was somewhat intelligible and nothing else!"

Yesterday on Aug. 4th, 2013 I declared to the Church and was received by the hands of Bishop Joseph Siegel (representing the Church) my candidacy for the priesthood.  For many out there, this may bit of a surprise, for it was quite a surprise to myself as well, only making the decision to re-enter only 4 months ago.  To receive candidacy for the priesthood was my first act as a seminarian for the Diocese of Joliet.  To declare candidacy is not usually your first act as a seminarian, but because I had been previously in seminary formation, I was able to pick up right where I left off! Let's just say there was some anxiety exclaiming to myself, "what am I doing???"  But by the end of the Mass, the Lord once again offered me His peace.   In less then 2 years, if the Lord continues what he started, I will be a Deacon, and in less than 3 years a Priest. 

At this point, I could talk about all the sacrifices I am making by entering the seminary for the Catholic Church.  But having amazing friends like you! I hear your response loud and clear; "So you gave up really nothing for the sake of everything.  If anything, your decision was somewhat intelligible and nothing else!"  What I have to offer to the Lord is little compared to what He is offering me in return and I consider myself quite an intelligible person! So the decision was quite easy!  :)
Please continue to pray for me!

 

My Love for m&ms: A Need for Christ!

If you ask my sister Tina, I have one severe weakness: m&ms (she will also include semi-sweet chocolate chips)!  I can't stop eating them.  If there is recent purchase from Cost Co of a 1 lb. of m&m's, I can't guarantee that there will be any left the next day.  The trend goes as following: First I open the bag, pull a small  bowl out, fill the bowl and start watching a movie.  The bowl filled with heavenly goodness quickly vanishes and it's not even pass the opening scene!  So of course, another bowl of goodness is in order.  Self-justification comes in: I've ran 4 marathons - I'm still burning off those calories right???  (my weight and belly tells another story!)  Needless to say, you can figure the rest of the story.  The 1 lb. bag is finished much much too soon!  It's usually followed with a stomach ache and sugar crash. 

What does this story reveal?  Well, it reveals I have no self-control when it comes to m&ms, but it reveals something much deeper: it reveals that I'm broken!  I would argue it points to my need for a Savior and not just some anti-acids!  My disordered passion for m&ms is just one of many of my disordered passions.  St. Paul speaks about this disorder in his letter to the Romans: "but I am carnal, sold under sin. I do not understand my own actions.  For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate... I can will what is right but I cannot do it.  For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do." (Romans 7:14 ff).  My goal when I first opened the bag of m&m was not to finish the full 1 pound bag of m&m's, but in a certain sense, I do the very thing I hate!  The very thing that is bad for my body!

My disorder passion for m&m is just one simple story of my many disordered and bad addictions.  I'm enjoying another disordered passion; I'm feeding my coffee addiction as I type this blog.  Before I get to my main point, I have to state the following: We all know m&ms in themselves are not bad, neither is the coffee I drink.  But with lack of self control seen in the story I just shared, we can see how something that is a good can become something bad!

This disorder speaks into the Anthropology of man!  The Church fathers would write about the 4 faculties of man in the following order:

1. Intellect

2. Will

3. Emotions

4. Passions

Before the broken relationship between God and Man, man kept his 4 faculties in the correct order.  The intellect would direct the will, and the will would control the emotions and passions.  But because the fall, what happened?  Well after being on 8 different University campuses over the last 14 years.  I can tell you the order goes as following:

1. Passions

2. Emotions

3. Will

4. Intellect (which is ironic because the university is supposed to be directed in forming the intellect)

Clearly, most college students are dictated by their own passions and emotions.   And it is to the detriment of the student, the University encourages the students to experiment with their sexuality (passions) and to have fun!  However, they don't mention the bad consequences of playing with their passions.  My friend just told me of story of guy bragging about how he had slept with over 60 women.  What a lie that has been fed to those pursuing higher education (the intellect).  Living a disordered life does not lead to a life of freedom and happiness, but one of slavery and bad consequences.  As Frank Sheed in Theology and Sanity commented: we are truly free to do what ever we want, however, because we live in an ordered world, we are truly not free from the consequences of our actions.   Like my story above.  I am truly free to eat the 1 lb. m&m bag, I'm, however, not free from the effects of eating a full pound of m&ms.  Or in the case of the guy who slept with over 60 woman, he is free to do that, but not free from the STDs or psychological disorders that may come from living such a life style.  

So it is clear: we have many disordered passions!  Why does God allow us to live in a life of disorder?  Why do we have to constantly struggle against our own passions and emotions?  Why do we do what we don't want to do?  St. Paul gives us insight to this as well!!!

St. Paul writes in his 2nd letter to the Corinthians: "a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to harass me, to keep me from being to elated.  Three times I besought The Lord about this, that it should leave me; but he said to me 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Cor 12 7:10)

It is in Christ we can correct this disorder.  It is in receiving the Sacraments, that we can receive the grace to live ordered.  But this desire to re-align our faculties can first begin by acknowledging our false passions.  It's in my false passions that I realize my own brokenness and that I personally can't realign them, but it solely in Christ that this can be done.  Sin has the ability to make us aware of our brokenness and a need for a savior.  For example; one needs to be aware of their illness before they can seek healing from a physician.  If I don't know I'm sick, I can't receive the necessary help.   Let us acknowledge our brokenness, turn to the Lord for healing and love, and realign our faculties!!!   

Riding a Bike: A lesson of Faith and Hope in the Resurrection!

I remember and with great excitement when I told my dad that I was ready to shed off the tyranny of my training wheels and ride a big boy bike!  But even with the excitement, I faced some fears.  The bike from which I was going to learn from was too big for me.   My sisters had previously been the riders of the bike.  If I were to move on from the classic big wheel or bike with training wheels, I would have to learn how to start the bike by standing on its side, and I would also have to learn how to jump off while it was still in motion otherwise the bike would fall because my feet could not reach the ground from the seat.

We lived in a condominium complex and our family unit was on the beginning of a cul de sac; with the street ending with a loop.  My dad sat me on the bike seat and told me to start pedaling.  Before I knew it I was pedaling fast and my dad was no longer behind me.  In anxiety of coming to a stop and having the bike fall on me, the only logical thought that came to mind was to pedal harder and faster.  I eventually fell to the ground making a sharp turn on the cul de sac.  I ran inside to my mom to take care of my battle wounds for the day.  The event prevented me for at least a week before attempting to ride the bike on my own again.  After several attempts and falls I eventually enjoyed the freedom to ride a bike around the neighborhood!  Take that you training wheels (though I still loved my big wheel)!!!

So what does this have to do with anything, let alone my faith in Christ?

Mark Twain stated, "History doesn't repeat, but it sure does rhyme!"  Our life carries many similar patterns and our faith gives light to that pattern. We need to look at this pattern in the life of Christ! (A necessary and common theme for most if not all of my blogs).  This pattern founded in Christ was brought to my attention by a social worker who counseled married couples.

He would ask the married couple, "So what are the greatest things in the marriage?"  They would reply, "The kids, the sex, the compromising."
He would follow up with another question, "So what are the most difficult things in the marriage?"
Their answer really didn't change; "The kids, the sex, the compromising."

In counseling couples the social worker learned a basic lesson founded in Christ:  You can't have the Resurrection without the Cross!  The social worker continued to find another event in Christ's life that was in the cycle of the Cross and the Resurrection and that was the event of the Transfiguration.  In the Transfiguration, Jesus was seen talking to Moses and Elijah.  Peter in his excitement wanted to remain on the mountain top and make tents/booths.  But the Lord pointed Peter to the the Cross.  It was in the Cross, which was a necessary act of our Lord, that would give the Apostles the fruit of the Resurrection, which was the Descent of the Holy Spirit. (cf. John 16:7 - "For if I do not go away, the Counselor will not come to you").

Our life does constantly rhyme as Mark Twain noticed.  It rhymes with transfigurations, crosses, and resurrections!

Let's just look at just a few examples:  a baby being born, riding a bike, wedding day, and the spiritual life.

In the mother's womb, the baby lives a life of comfort and protection (transfiguration).  The baby doesn't need to worry about food or much suffering.  I actually heard that during labor the baby fights against the labor.  But the baby is forced to leave the life of comfort and protection, only to be brought into the world with tears and cries (the cross).   But the babies life doesn't end in the life of tears, but smiles and laughter.   The senses of sight, smell, touch come forth and the baby receives love from their parents and will eventually learn how to love in return!

Now onto my story of riding a bike.  The desire to ride the bike started with great excitement and joy (transfiguration).  I actually started with great success only to find myself encountering the fall with scraped knees and bloody elbows (cross).  I eventually encountered the resurrection when I gained the freedom to ride without worrying about falling (resurrection).

A wedding day of course begins a journey of great excitement and joy (transfiguration).  Many people call the phase right after the wedding day the "honeymoon phase".  The honeymoon phase eventually ends and crosses begin to reveal itself in the growth of virtue (cross).  These crosses are seen in the form for the need for patience, the need for compromising, and working through difficulties and problems are just a few examples.  The married couple learns the need to surrender their own will for the sake of the spouse and family.  It is in these moments of the cross, as revealed by the social worker, the resurrection is found.  It is in the sacrifice that the family is brought to life!

The spiritual life is very similar.  As I worked on college campuses for many years, many students (including myself) began their journey of faith from a retreat/conference.  They encountered the love of the Lord and leave the retreat all fired up to change their life for the Lord (transfiguration).  This begins a journey that will actually transition into dryness and some difficulty (cross) as as the experience and joy of the retreat/conference begins to dissipate.  This dryness and difficulty is only to be followed by a deeper encounter with the Lord (resurrection)!  (see spiritual writings of St. John of the Cross and St. Teresa of Avila pointing to this reality)

The difficulty we currently face in our culture is that our culture tells us to deny the Cross.  One example that comes to mind is what many are telling my friends who are getting married.  They give the following advice, "Don't have kids right away!"  The advice proceeds from the idea of protecting the married from the difficulties and crosses of raising a child.  They try to keep the married couple in the life of the transfiguration.  But if Christ remained at the transfiguration, the apostles would not have experienced the power of the Resurrection not the descent of the Holy Spirit!

Let us not deny the Cross, but accept those crosses that the Lord is graciously giving to us.  The result of embracing our crosses will only give us hope and assurance of the Resurrection.  After living through this constant pattern of Transfiguration, Cross, and Resurrection we will only receive a greater peace when it is our time to leave this world!  Seeing the constant faith of our Lord, when it is time for us to face our final Cross we can only have hope and assurance of our final Resurrection!

Why My Dad Can't Hold a Secret From My Mom!

Growing up with my sisters and folks, I eventually came to realize a well known fact:  My dad can't hold a secret from my mom.   From supposed surprises such as gifts or parties for my mom, to expressing my desire to get my ears pierced in high school; my mom always seemed to know what was going on!

I never understood how and why my dad could not hold a secret from mom.  My dad served in the Vietnam War through the army's Military Intelligence.  During that time, my dad had learned to keep to himself and hold very pertinent, secret information.  So you would think a simple gift, surprise party, or even my desire to get my ear pierced would be in safe keeping???  Nope!  Why can't my dad keep a secret from my mom?  I think I discovered why!

It may sound silly, but it comes back to Genesis 2:21-23: "So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh; and the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.  Then the man said, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman because she was taken out of man.""

Now many modern day thinkers and progressive feminist will write off this passage.  They would argue that this passage leads to misogyny.  They will claim that the passage was written by men to show the primacy of men over women.  And it doesn't help that there are those people who have argued that the fall into Original Sin was Eve's fault.  

First, I won't deny the abuse and misogyny that has occurred over these passages, but we also can't dismiss the Word of God because of these recent 20th century arguments.   Second, this passage, I admit, should be dumbfounding and confusing.  It is through woman that life comes into the world.  Eve is given the title mother of all living! So in a certain sense we would expect Adam to come from Eve! (Hence many people lean towards the misogyny argument to explain this confusing Scripture passage).  However, the key to understand this passage comes by looking to Christ!  Jesus Christ is the ultimate fulfillment of the Scriptures (read the Gospel of Matthew and count how many times the author says, "so the prophet may be fulfilled".  I've counted 11 times).  If we look at this passage in the light of Christ, we might receive some understanding of the passage and why my dad can't hold a secret from my mom! 

The early Church fathers, along with St. Paul, taught that Christ was the New Adam.  The Church fathers also meditated on how the Church, the new Eve, came from the pierced side of the New Adam.  God in the story of Genesis is preparing the story of salvation.  He is revealing that from the side of the New Adam (Christ), the New Eve (the Church) will come forth!

But now to the main point and answer to my original question: Why can't my dad keep a secret from my mom?  to get to the answer we need to look at why God chose the rib of Adam?  There are many theories out there!  Some really cheesy ones as well.   For example; God did not choose a bone from his head for she was not to be above him; not from the feet for she was not to be below him; but from his side so they might go side by side!   Sweet as that is, I'm not a fan. 

I came across the following meditation that has been placed on my heart: God chose the rib of Adam because it is the rib that is responsible for guarding the heart!  Eve was to be the guardian of Adam's heart!  So when Eve eats of the forbidden fruit (which is just as much of Adam's fault), the decision was a universal decision for Adam as well.  For Eve, as Adam proclaimed, was "bones of my bones, flesh of my flesh."

So why can't my dad keep a secret from my mom?  My mom has become the guardian of my Father's heart.  And therefore he can't keep a secret from her.  And if you truly want know my father, who will you have to go to?  My mother of course!

What does this have to do with our faith?!?  Jesus Christ as the New Adam brings forth the Church from his pierced side.  And if we truly want come  to know Jesus Christ, who will we have to go to?  Who is the guardian of the Sacred Heart of Jesus?  The Church!  The New Eve!  It is time to come to know the Lord through the Church Christ established through the Apostles!  Let us come to the guardian of our Lord's heart and adore the Lord!

Fatherhood - an Open Battle Ground!

Father's Day is here and I'm about to head to El Salvador for a FOCUS mission trip!  So I thought I would write a blog about the fatherhood, a topic I spent this last year on with my bible study!  Below is a picture of some of the guys that were able to attend the study!

The topic on Fatherhood was a beautiful bible study, which rewarded me almost more than the students who participated.  I started the discussion laying out some stark facts, the general reality of a University setting like Boulder, and the spiritual reality that is before us.   It began with the following:

The CDC stat reported that 41% (higher in cities like Detroit which is about 80%) of all babies being born in the US are coming into Single Mom Homes.  That means about 60% are being born into the US with Mothers and Fathers.  The sad reality that either struck us personally or our families is the reality of Divorce.  We see divorce rates moving above 50%.   This means roughly speaking 70% of children will experience broken and incomplete families.  (Now I know this is not taking into account single mom's eventually marrying, or account for re-marriages but bare with me as I try to explain the physical and spiritual consequence of these stats and not get to caught up on the smaller details).  In any case the men saw where I was going with the topic!   In most cases there was a growth in the lack of fatherhood, but why?  Why is there a higher percentage of single parenting and broken families?  I shared a simple reality to the men: 

Men will become one of two things:  Fathers or Predators.   Whoa!  That seems quite contrast and no one likes being called a predator.  So I tried to explain it in a different context.  They will either become fathers where they will be selfless and lay down their life for their spouse and children.  Or they will become predators and see everything for their own end and act selfishly.  The terms could seem harsh, but the concept of selfless living and selfish living was a clear definition for the guys!

After I laid that foundation, I asked all the guys, "What is college preparing you for?"  Talk about a time of self realization.  Many of them were struck with the their own reality before them.  They started to share all the bad influences around them which pointed them to selfish ends.  Study aside, I can't tell you how many times I have to stop and ask the question: Am I doing this for my own end, or for God's?  Am I being selfish or selfless?

In all honesty this battle between fatherhood and predator shouldn't surprise us!  Why?  Because we see this battle for Fatherhood vs. predator in the Scriptures!

In the Gospel of John it is clear, there is a battle between to two kinds fatherhoods.  Read John Chapter 8:33 ff (and following). It is a discussion between Jesus and the Jews.  The Jews claim that Abraham was their father and therefore they are included in God's promise.  But Jesus calls outs their cow manure, (at this moment I imagine Jesus playing cards with the Jews.  The Jews lay their hand down and Jesus yells BS!!!).  He without hesitation says, "You are from your father the devil!" (John 8:44).  If there is anytime to use your imagination this is where the story seems to get real awkward.  Needless to say, the story ends with the Jews wanting to stone Jesus.  Go figure!

The second battle for Fatherhood is seen near the end of the Gospel of John.  Jesus is put on trial before Pontius Pilate.  Pilate tried to have Jesus released.  By following a Jewish tradition of releasing one prisoner, Pilate brings a criminal next to Jesus.   The choice was either Jesus or Barabbas: Jesus, son of the Heavenly Father, or Barabbas, a zealot, robber, and murder.  Barabbas name means Son of the Father (Bar means Son of, Abba means Father).  Unknowingly Pilate was asking the Jewish people to decide: Which Son of the Father are you going to follow?   Of course the proclamation to release Barabbas and Crucify our Lord resounds every year during Holy Week.

Jesus came to reveal this choice.  Jesus came to reveal God as Father.  Don't agree?  Read the Gospel of Matthew Chapters 5-7, which is called the Sermon on the Mount.  Jesus after calling the Apostles goes on the mountain side to teach the multitudes.  In the foundation of Jesus instruction,  Jesus mentions Father 17 times.  You don't have to be a theologian to notice that Jesus wants us to pay attention to his Father.  It is in this same section we receive the prayer; the Our Father.  It is now revealed to us, we can call God "Our" Father!  This is kind of a big deal and so beautiful so don't let this slip by!

With this foundations of society, university setting and spiritual reality of fatherhood men in the bible study, including myself,  could pursue the call of our own fatherhood together.  Little do people know that fatherhood just doesn't happen, it is something to prepare for and continual formation is needed to achieve.   For even The Lord calls us to be perfect as his Heavenly Father is perfect.  To be merciful as his Father is merciful!  One just doesn't become selfless overnight.  A person needs to constantly pursue the good so that in the end we will not become a predator acting on our own selfish desires!

May we all be selfless for The Lord!

In His Service

Yeah, I Still Got It: Hit on by a Drunk Atheist!

It was a beautiful spring Sunday in Boulder. Like many Sundays' prior, I had enjoyed my day by hiking the foothills, participating in evening Mass, and finished the night by listening to live Irish music, drinking fine irish beer, and having a great conversation with friends! Note: Being a(n) (Irish) Catholic involves having life to the Full!

Unlike to prior weekends something different was going to happen. Wait for it.... I was going to be hit on by a woman, a first in a really long time. I was in the midst of a conversation with a student when I spotted a woman across the bar. She was staring right at me. I, however, not wanting to jump to conclusions looked around to find no other man around me. What a surprise!?!  I'm 32 years old in a college town and it's quite apparent I need to start worrying about getting sunburned on the top of head! :)

I thought the woman was beautiful, but I was invested in the conversation with the student considering to join FOCUS.  So I decided not to pursue that conversation with the woman staring right at me! But alas it didn't matter because shortly after jumping back into the conversation with the student, she made her way over to me! Interrupting my conversation with the student, she began our conversation with the following, "Are you in the band?"

What a classy pick up line! The instant the words came out, her intoxicated state was apparent. This may explain why she was hitting on me! So I stopped my conversation with the student and engaged the intoxicated woman. (Note: this is not to be interpreted that I thought the woman was intoxicating). The small talk went as following with small questions like, "where are you from? What brought you out to Boulder? What do you do for a living?"

Of course any question you ask, you have to eventually answer (a small missionary trick)... And so I did... "I'm from the Midwest. My work brought me out here. I'm a Catholic missionary." She abruptly said "Oh, I don't F***ing care about religion." I was caught off guard. Did she think I was trying to share my faith with her? I was just explaining a fact of who I was! So I repeated the statement, "My work brought me out here, I'm a Catholic Missionary." I received the same response, "Like I said, I don't F***ing care about religion!"

Of course you know there is a reason for her intense statements filled with anger and hatred. So I asked, "Do you want to tell me about it?" She responded, "Why don't you tell me?" My heart of course picked up its pace. What do I tell her? Do I tell her my story? How the Lord pursued my heart? Do I talk about God's existence or of His love for us? So, I asked the Holy Spirit to guide me and I said "Well..." And again I was interrupted... She stated, "Here, we go again..." and took a sip of her drink.

So the Lord had a different plan for the conversation. I asked her, "Do you even want to hear what I have to say?" She responded with a clear, "NO!" She then exclaimed with strong confidence, "Science is my religion." Without hesitation I responded to her total disregard to my Faith with, "And what has Science brought you?" It seemed like she was going to say something, but it was my turn to interrupt! "Except loneliness and emptiness! At least that's what Science has brought me!" (Note: I had earlier squeezed in the brief conversation that I had received my Engineering degree from University of Illinois concentrated in Robotics, to try to soften the idea that I was a religious fanatical denying the world completely of anything good.) How intense! I was expecting a middle finger, the throwing of water in my face, maybe some more swearing, but you could see that I hit something in her claim about science being a religion.  Though science had made so many promising claims to her, it still didn't fill the void in her heart. She just walked away slowly mumbling something like "Good luck with that."

I bring up this conversation, as intense as it was, not to show that at the age of 32 in a college town I still have the ability to pick up (intoxicated) women. No! 

I bring this up because I too struggle and turn to the world for answers! I turn to entertainment (TV, movies, concerts, music), friendships, etc... to fill the void of loneliness and emptiness. We, to our own detriment, turn to quickly to the world for answers. When clearly the world doesn't have the answer! Or does it?!?  St. Thomas Aquinas gives us a great insight into this truth:

"Because man, in deserting God had stooped to corporeal things, it was necessary that God should take the flesh and by corporeal things should afford him the remedy of salvation"

What a beautiful understanding of God! What a beautiful reality of our Christian Faith! Man deserted God and turned to the world for all their answers. God could have, and justly so, left us to the world, but it was not in God's desire. God desires Man to be and share in the relationship between Triune exchange of Persons (A very deep Mystery) . But to allow humanity to enter this relationship and exchange of Divine life, God would have to become Flesh (or corporeal as St. Thomas Aquinas put it). And God would use a corporeal body to bring Man into the Divine life. 

St. Ambrose commenting on the Our Father Prayer makes a similar claim:

"O man, you did not dare to raise your face to heaven, you lowered your eyes to the earth, and suddenly you have received the grace of Christ all your sins have been forgiven. From being a wicked servant you have become a good son. Then raise your eyes to the Father who has begotten you through Baptism, to the Father who has redeemed you through his Son, and say: "Our Father."

It's because of our broken nature we always turn to the world for the answers! So God came into the world to draw us to Himself!  So the answer we seek, ironically, is in the world, but not of the world. The answer is Jesus Christ!   Don't be fooled by the promises of this world.  Don't be fooled by the empty promises of the world, but turn to the ultimate promise of God who came into the world so we may be drawn into something beyond this world!

St. Irenaeus of Lyons - "The Son of God became the Son of Man that the sons of men might become the sons of God"

Love requires a response: it requires OUR Response!

I was recently reading Prayer by Hans Urs von Balthasar and I came across the following quote, "How can a person seriously believe that God is love...and at the same time refuse to love God in return?"  His rhetorical question is to point to the simple fact: Love requires a response, Love requires our response!

And then my mind went wandering:

How many stories point to the difficulty of love's necessary response?  The story line goes as the following:  The protagonist in pursuit of happiness professes his/her love to the assumed love of their life, "I love you!" Only to find awkward silence or at best, "Well that's nice" or "Well I really I like you." The audience, including myself, begin to squirm and their hearts go out to the protagonist.  Why? We desire, we long for love to conquer.  We want the happy ending: "I Love You Too!"  (Note - this longing for love to conquer points to our own disposition and desire to love and be loved)

Then I began to reflect over all my friends who were recently engaged.  What is the first question you ask?  Of course it's how did he propose?  Were there tears? I always imagine...The man takes the knee, professes his enduring love to the woman and with a dramatic pause the woman says... It's breath-taking, yet also nerve wrecking!  Two lives will either radically come together, or separate.

I believe we love these stories because we desire to enter into the story of love, but see how we are called to respond to it.  It's not the proposal that's so great!  It's the YES to the Proposal that makes our hearts jump!

Now back to Hans Urs von Balthasar's point: Love requires our response.  What is it that our faith proclaims?  If we don't acknowledge God's love for us, how can we respond to it?  If we struggle to connect an event that happened 2,000 years ago from today, we will continue struggle with our own problems and look for answers that are not found in Christ.

This is where understanding our faith is so important.   It is important to understand who Jesus Christ is: a Divine person that is fully human and fully divine!  Not only do we have God who expands through all time and eternity, but we have a God who became flesh to reveal His love to all humanity through his death on the Cross.  This moment, this event, is not an event or moment that fades away.  Actually the Power of the Cross remains for all eternity!

Our Lord has truly loved us and continues to love us!  He has revealed the extent of his love on the Cross and now it is our turn to respond.  And what will our response be?  Will we sit an awkward silence, will we say "well that's nice" or even "well I really like you."  All is to insufficient... we need to make a complete surrender and yell it, "I LOVE YOU too!"  Let's enter into Love's Story, Let's respond to God's Love!

St. Augustine - “To fall in love with God is the greatest romance; to seek him the greatest adventure; to find him, the greatest human achievement.”

In His Service
Michael Kearney