My Failed College Dream!

When I was in high school, I couldn't wait for college.  I was tired of the hyped up high school drama and I couldn't wait to move on!  My idea was; I would leave high school and I could start completely all over.  I could "create" myself a new image.  No one in college would know that I was a nerd.  I could highlight all my cool accomplishments, and no one would know any of my faults.  Now that I think of it, my high school dream was exactly what facebook offers today; all the highlights and none of my faults. My goal was to create a great life and get that elusive girlfriend I had been longing for!

The dream was based on the idea; that I was in control of my image!  I was responsible of creating myself.  But, as I look back, I see how far I was from the truth.  I don't have the ability to create myself, nor did I create myself.  My identity, which seemed elusive, was found outside myself.  My identity, my image is found completely in the OTHER!

Looking at life, it is clear: our whole life is meant to be described in the other!  I became a brother because I had sisters.  I became a son because I had a mother and father.  I became a boyfriend because there was a girlfriend.  This is a profound reality of God.  TheTrinity of persons are found in relationship to the other (Father, Son, Holy Spirit).  And if we are truly made in the image and likeness of God, we too, will find our identity in the other!

But everything in this world, even relationships come and go: my girlfriend is long gone and so is my title as a boyfriend.  In a world of professions; a teacher is a teacher as long as there are students.  Likewise a doctor is only a doctor as long as they have patients (so what if they have a MD degree, but don't have any patients)!  When my grandparents passed away, am I still a grandson? If my parents were to pass, would I still be their son?  Well yes, but only because of my Christian understanding that they are still alive in heaven. Otherwise, I would lose that identity and part of who I was as well!

If we are to keep a sense of identity of who we are, we need to have a relationship with someone who is not temporary!  A relationship that never fades.  What is the Christian Gospel all about?  It's about bringing us in relationship with God the Father.  We are his children because of our particular relationship we have with Jesus Christ the Son.  When all relationships fail, and our identity seems completely lost, this will remain (if we acknowledge it or not).

We need to re-gain our identity and source.  The identity of being God's son's and daughters.  "See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are!" (1 Jn 3:1)

If we want to get back to being satisfied with who we are - we can't hide from the need to dive into that particular relationship with God.  No job, no exercise (Cross fit, lifting, or run - I speak to myself in this comment), no relationship on this earth will ever satisfy our longing in our hearts or reveal to us who we really are!  Only in a sense of confidence in our relationship with God can we face the crosses of this world, even death.

This is why taking time to pray EVERYDAY is so important! It grounds our identity, not in something that fades in time, but will remain for all eternity.  Don't try to live my college dream; the ability to create yourself! Realize that you find purpose and strength in the other.   Don't deny yourself the ability to stand in confidence and proclaim the prayer that Jesus taught us: "Our Father."

What I Learned From My Father's Garden

When I was in middle school my dad decided to allow his old farming days as a kid come out into our backyard.  The task to create a garden area was quite a feat, but what I discovered was the hardest part of having a garden was the daily care needed for it to prosper; from watering, pruning, and harvesting!

Jesus shares a similar gardening story in the Scriptures through the parable called the Sower and the seed (Matthew 13:1-9).  In the parable, Christ talks about a Sower (God) that sows seeds upon 4 different types of ground; the hard path, the rocks, the thorns, and the good soil.  Reading this passage, it was very easily to think that the Lord was talking about 4 different types of people.  But what I have come to discover in my own spiritual journey, is that the Lord is giving us the way to garden our own hearts, which like my dad's garden takes lots of work!

As I learned from my dad, to garden we first need to break up the hard and trampled ground.  In doing so, we discover rocks that need to be removed.  Once the rocks are removed, we can start removing the various types of weeds and thorns that would grow.  Eventually with the initial work complete, the soil would be ready for growing a fruitful garden. 

It is clear that my own spiritual journey didn't start with fruitful soil.  From high school to college I would say my heart was pretty hardened by any acceptance of the faith.  If you doubt me, you can talk to my cousin Jeanne!  It wasn't until college, that the Lord in a way pierced through the hard path.  But I soon discovered the rocks and weeds that would get in the way of the Lord.  15 years later, I can say the gardening of my heart has not been an easy task.  I continue to find old and new weeds sprouting and needing to be removed, rocks find their way into the garden, and the task just to bear simple fruit in my spiritual life is a task in itself.  It is clear the spiritual journey is a work in process!

Don't think my example is good enough?  I love reading the apostle's journey in the Scriptures!  The Lord spent three years with the apostles gardening their hearts.  Many times the Lord called them out saying that they were slow to hear and had little faith.  Think of how Peter did not want to hear about the Lord's upcoming suffering in Matthew 16, or how he denies Christ 3 times after telling Jesus he wouldn't!  But the most beautiful thing of the story was the Lord was patient with the Apostles, constantly forgave them, and worked tirelessly on their hearts so that on the day of Pentecost, the descent of the Holy Spirit, they would bear tremendous fruit for His Church.  And do you think even then their labors in the garden of their hearts were complete?  No!  Look at St. Paul as he talks about his weakness in 2 Corinthians 12!  

Not only is gardening something that takes continuous effort, it is clear that once you stop taking care of the garden; the weeds return, the rocks re-appear, and eventually the once luscious garden returns to being a hard path.  Let us during this great time of Lent continue to work with the master gardener in tilling our hearts; let us remove the rocks and weeds that prevent the Lord from bearing fruit in our lives.  If we can do that, I can guarantee that the Lord will continue to bear fruit a hundred fold in our lives!

Lent in the Context of Falling in Love

When I was growing up, I always took on Lent grudgingly. Lent was always the time to give up the things I liked; soda, chocolate, and candy. But as a kid, I never wanted to give up those things I enjoyed.  I always found Lent difficult and I never looked forward to the season of Lent!  Easter, however, that was a blast; chocolate, candy and soda galore. 

Everyone knows the number one question of a growing child; "but why?"  I asked the same question, "Why do I have to give something up for Lent?" The answer I received never satisfied me; “that’s just what we (Catholics) do.”  Nor did it ever change my perspective on Lent.  To me, Lent was something not enjoyable and something I had to grudge my way through. 

It wasn't until later that my world was turned upside down!  My perspective of Lent was not of pain and suffering, but on the context of LOVE!  Fr. Louis Evely wrote, "When one loves, one is (necessarily) led to fast - without even thinking of it.  But when one fasts in order to suffer...it is difficult to imagine that it leads us to love or be happy.  Any true love engenders sacrifice, but any sacrifice does not engender love.  God is not sacrifice.  God is LOVE and because he is LOVE, he has become sacrifice - a joyful sacrifice"

 

Mind blown!  If we start with sacrifice, it doesn't mean we will end with love.  But if we start with love, we will come to sacrifice.  This is clear from the times I fell in love, which has happened to me more then once.  When I was falling in love, it was easy for me to spend time and converse with the girl I loved.  I would actually look for more opportunities to talk. I can remember a few nights staying up and talking until the sun rose and at the same time desiring for the night not to end.  When I fell in love I remember how easy it was to make sacrifices.  I would give up many things without even a second thought.  I would easily skip a meal, skip a nap, give up hanging out with the guys, if that meant it would allow me to stay in the presence of the one I loved.  I also remember how easy it was to give gifts.  How I would see flowers and items to give as gifts.  I would make any excuse to give them too!

What does the Church ask of us this Lent-en season?  Prayer, fasting and alms giving.  What are these things if not conversing with the Lord, making sacrifices for the Lord, and giving gifts to the Lord? The Church is asking us to re-new our love for the Lord.  The Church is calling us to an opportunity of love! If we do that, then all the sacrifices, gifts, and conversations with God will make sense of the fasting, alms giving, and prayer the Church is encouraging us to do.  The Church is encouraging us to engage in Love! 

But we need to make sure we start with love!  If we try to do these things the other way around, as Fr. Evely pointed out in his quote, it's not guaranteed we will love!  Let us ask the Lord for the grace to be moved by love this Lent-en season, that the sacrifices we do choose are moved by love so that we can come to grow closer in love with the Lord!

A Scripture Meditation from the Gospel of Matthew 4:1-2 - for this upcoming Sunday Gospel!

"At that time Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert...He fasted for forty days and forty nights, and afterwards he was hungry."  

Jesus wasn't hungry during the forty days, but only AFTER!  Why?  Jesus drawn by the Holy Spirit conversed with his Heavenly Father for forty days.  Who of us wouldn't forsake a meal to continue a conversation with a person we love?